January Bonus Episode: New Moon

[00:00] Cape Fear is a new series now streaming on Apple TV. This 10-episode mystery thriller is executive produced by Martin Scorsese and stars Academy Award winner Javier Bardem, Academy Award nominee Amy Adams, and Emmy nominee Patrick Wilson. [00:15] When convicted murderer Max Cady is released from prison, he begins infiltrating the family of the married attorneys who helped put him behind bars. [00:24] Every good detective needs a partner to support them on important cases. Think of a State Farm agent like your sidekick, there to help you along the way in your search for coverage. State Farm can help you choose the coverage you need, whether it's for your home, car, boat, or even RV. With so many options, it's nice knowing you have help finding what fits for you so you can get back to solving all of life's bigger cases. Go to statefarm.com or [00:54] neighbor, State Farm is there. At California Closets, we design for the little things. Take this moment of a parent walking across their toy-filled living room for a glass of water. [01:05] And now, the California closets version of that moment. [01:13] Thank you. [01:13] - [01:17] Ugh. [01:18] Family room and home storage solutions by designers who get you. [01:22] California closets. [01:24] more room for what matters hey weirdos i'm ash and i'm alayna and it's time for a fucking new moon

[01:54] for this. I'm fucking lit right now. It's about to get cuckoo nuts bananas up in this bitch. It's about, you're about to sit in a chair for four months. That's what you're about to do. And there's a possibility. There is a possibility that you will. Can I, listen, we're just gonna jump right in. Yeah. At one point she's looking out that window, I think it's in October, and there's just, like, that's her side yard. Yeah, there's a whole family walking through her yard. Why? And the, [02:22] We are to believe that there are woods right there. So I'm like, where did they come from? Why are they just walking outside of your woods? I always think that when I see it. Halloween goes nuts, I guess. Yeah, we're... [02:36] We're talking about New Moon, everybody. I hope you watched. I hope you read. I hope you got the illustrated guide. I hope you've been on Steffi's website. I hope you have. I hope you've done it all. But the good news is, if you've done none of those things... [02:51] We've done it for you. Here we are. Here we are, bitch. It came out in 2009. 2009. 2009. This one's directed by Chris Weitz this time, not Katherine Hardwick. Apparently, it was the short production time that got her because she didn't want to have to, like, she didn't think she could get the story with script right. Okay. Because it was like a year. It was very quick. It was a real fast. A very quick turnaround. Yeah. So that's interesting. Yeah. [03:18] This one... [03:20] We also got, I mean, this one has a banger soundtrack as well. This, I think of all the movies, this one has my favorite soundtrack. Really?

[03:28] Yeah, I think maybe I think so. Yeah, I really like the first soundtrack. [03:32] I like the second one better, but I do like the first one. I mean, this one is Death Cab for Cutie. How can you go wrong? Tom York. Tom York. [03:39] It's got Muse, I Belong to You, the New Moon Remix. Remix! [03:46] That's honestly where it's at. And then you have the, it's a possibility. [03:52] Was that Lucky Lee? Yeah, yep. And it's called? [03:55] possibility look it up look at that one okay go i think shooting the moon [04:01] Oh, yeah. Yeah, you're right. Loved that song. That's a good one, too. Oh. [04:07] Damn, all right. We really, we're killing it with this. And Meet Me on the Equinox by Death Cab for Cutie. Banger. So of a time. Yeah. It will transport you right back there. It's a very hipster time. Oh, yeah. The hipsteriest time. And scarves, like the cloth scarves. And that one jacket that everybody had. Yeah. That one jacket. I know exactly what jacket you're talking about. Yeah. Or like gray sometimes. Yep. It could be gray. It could be green. Mm-hmm. [04:34] But damn, we're in Mophisons. Just killing it. We loved it. And you know, they seem to have gotten Bella's hair is really right. [04:45] In this one? And do you know... [04:47] how much awfuler it's gonna get though yeah her hair's so good in this movie yeah the next movie [04:55] her hair [04:57] is everywhere.

[04:59] Her hair is something. Screaming infidelities. Her hair is absolutely screaming infidelities. And yeah, I don't know. I don't know. What's interesting to me is I think, doesn't Alice's hair look longer in this one? In this one? Yeah, it does a little bit. According to the illustrated guide, hair doesn't grow if you're a vampire. So I'm not really sure how that happened. Maybe she's [05:29] in this one [05:30] goddess she looks amazing she honestly she looks amazing in every her hair looks really good in this one it's a wig yeah it looks great but it's a good wig great wig yeah like this one's real good um and rosalie is not in it a lot no in this one but when she's in it she makes a fucking impact her statement at the end i was like oh yeah and we'll talk about it don't worry yeah um jasper's hair looks absolutely fucking insane jasper is absolutely fucking insane the confederate [06:00] looks... [06:01] Just outrageous. Yeah. It has also grown somehow. I don't know. No, no, it didn't. I'm not really sure. Couldn't. Couldn't. Couldn't have done it. [06:10] Couldn't have done it. Won't. He looks like a wild animal. Yeah. Very much so. And he becomes one. He does. Shortly. Which makes absolutely no sense. But we'll talk about that when we get there. We're going to talk about that as well. I'm just trying to think of anybody else. Charlie. Charlie looks. Charlie looks like a fucking certified snack. Charlie somehow looks even better. He does. Agreed. I'm like, wow. Agreed. Yeah. When he first walks in, like, we'll get to it with the birthday presents. I was like, hi, Charlie. Hey.

[06:40] dad what's going on daddy so everybody looks great we don't have to really deal with Bella's mom which is great but we hate Renee can't stand Renee is the worst cannot stand her of course of [06:51] Bella's having a fucking meltdown crisis yeah I think at one point in the book it's described as a walking coma yeah it makes sense suffering and Renee's nowhere to be found nowhere yeah yeah it's it's fine she's got her you know she's got her minor league baseball player boyfriend yeah so it's pretty serious Phil yeah there you go Phil uh we do meet some new [07:14] folks in this one which maybe we're gonna we're gonna meet the volturi i love the volturi i too very much love the volturi i love one person in particular and you love one person in particular and they're a different person and i absolutely know that everyone knows that i love arrow so much yeah his insane laugh [07:36] Is that in this movie or is that in a later one? He does one in this. He's known to do many. But there's one. There's one in a later... I think it's Breaking Dawn. It is Breaking Dawn, I think. [07:47] I can't. When we get there... Alina does a fucking sick impression of it. It's true. Sick in every sense of the word. Yeah. [07:55] He's played by Michael Sheen, and I think... [07:58] he just eats that roll up he was made for that i really was marcus marcus tortured marcus who looks like he's literally shit himself and is like suffering the worst gastrointestinal pain of all time he's in such distress in the movie i was like what the fuck is wrong with that guy here's the thing when we get to it i'll explain who all these people are i'll explain their

[08:28] from stephanie meyer's own brainium um some of them even have conflicting information about themselves within the same paragraph so that's fun fun and new um and we'll get to like some of these little uh some of the little things like you know we mentioned imprinting in this one shuttered uh we are going to learn about finally the werewolves in this one we we didn't really [08:58] we get to see why the Quileute tribe, which is a real tribe, why they have mixed feelings about this whole thing. And by mixed feelings, we mean like aren't really happy about it. Yeah. One of the things is they didn't get compensated for the story itself. [09:18] Essentially... [09:19] I mean, they're a massive... Their lore... One... [09:23] Isn't exactly this lore. Yeah. It's been twisted a little bit. Mm hmm. And so there's that, which is not great. Yeah. And then also the lore is used for a very large part of this story. [09:37] And they just kind of saw nothing except for people traipsing around trying to, like... [09:42] Get a glimpse. Yeah, like kind of becoming tourist attractions. And that's... That's so American. Not great. Yeah. Not great at all. They did establish, people of the tribe established, the Truth vs. Twilight Initiative. Yeah.

[09:58] And it's via the Burke Museum. And apparently it's to combat the false part of the narrative. That's so shitty that they even had to do that. Yeah, they just wanted to counter what was right. What was the record straight. And what was made up for Twilight. Right. So we'll get back. We'll get into that as well. But the never being compensated thing, I was like, that's a bummer. That's really shitty. Because I also just, I'm like, if you're going to make up... [10:23] like this story and this lore and have it involve you know real yeah a real like it's like why you should have just made up a whole if you completely fictionalized like meaning fictionalized [10:37] who these people are. You know what I mean? Because I feel like it's worse to take from real... [10:44] And use the real Quileute tribe's name. Yeah. And I mean, I am not part of the Quileute tribe, obviously. So I'm speaking from a totally outsider point of view, just what it looks like to me. [10:56] Um, but I don't know. I feel like I would be a little annoyed by that. Yeah, probably. But you can only do what you can do. [11:02] And either way, the werewolf shapeshifter thing does become a central part of this whole thing, which is what we've been waiting for. We finally are going to get the true Bella, Jacob, and Edward triangle. It's the beginning right here. This is where it begins. Especially the end of this movie really heats it up for Eclipse. And it's just... [11:25] Yeah. Wild. Because I feel like you couldn't come out of Twilight, the first movie or the first book, and truly be like, are you team Jacob or are you team Edward? There was no team. Like you were. One you barely saw Jacob. Yeah.

[11:38] And Jacob kind of felt like this, like, younger brother-esque thing almost. Like, you know, like, he wasn't even on your radar. And then even in... [11:46] Even in New Moon, it's hard to choose because Edward has just basically been... Dominated the whole thing. Not only dominated the whole thing, but is an asshole in New Moon. Yeah. No, it's true. It's hard to be Team Edward in New Moon. Yeah. And you do feel... Like, I felt... [12:02] so bad for jacob at times yeah in this one because i felt like damn he just got like full-blown used no he really did and she basically says as much at one point yeah yeah like she's pretty she's like yeah i'm just gonna hang out with you because like i don't really want because i'm kind of losing my mind without you want to you want to vroom vroom on these bikes jacob you want to go for a ride but then when he they won't get to it obviously but then when he's basically like i'm [12:32] to give up and I was like you do have to at some point though [12:35] When somebody has told you they're not interested. [12:39] You can't just... [12:41] keep going. Well, is it like a weird thing because... [12:45] he like with the imprinting stuff like obviously later and we'll get into that like when the time comes but he imprints on renesme who's like uh edward and bella's baby an infant an infant like i said we'll get there but it's like did something like in him inherently know that that was gonna like not like consciously but that's why he couldn't be rid of bella or is he just fucking obsessed with no i think he's just obsessed with i think he's honestly i think he's like in love

[13:15] or whatever it is. Infatuated. Infatuated. [13:19] And the problem is, like I said before, like when someone says they're not interested, you got to move on. She doesn't. [13:24] Really say it. [13:26] she kind of like is like she doesn't say it till the end yeah you know like the end she makes it it's always going to be him i'm going to pick him every time yeah that's clear as day so that's when it's like but before that you're like you need to be a little clearer to him well that's the thing because you're like nuzzling up on him you're like almost kissing him a lot you're telling him all your days together and then you're just kind of being like oh and it's like just be a little [13:56] interested not going to be interested from what i remember of the third one [14:00] I feel really bad for Jacob in this one because of all that, but then in the third one, you're like, okay, Jacob, fuck you. [14:07] Exactly. Because in this one, they really set you up to be like, oh, that poor kid. Until it gets to the end, and then you're kind of like, what the fuck's going on here? And then in Eclipse, you're like, [14:19] okay it's like i'm getting a restraining order yeah and then there's also like edward can be a dick it's like this is just toxic shit edward and bella's relationship is the most literally this is from this is from the website in the description of new moon stephanie wrote for bella swan there is one thing more important than life itself [14:41] Edward Cullen. [14:43] i would like to go on record yeah that like when i'm a mother if any fucking lore like this ever emerges in my household like if i ever find a book that says this shit on the back or anything if anything like near it i'll sit my girlies down and be like girls or boys or whoever what the fuck is this this is so not okay yeah like i'm not sure if i'm not sure if i'm not sure

[15:08] I think about my mom letting me watch this. I'm like, did you read this? That's the thing. This is so toxic. I feel like this is like... [15:17] You know what it is? It's like, this is like... [15:20] When you read these things as an adult... [15:23] Like these dark romances where like it's a morally gray love interest and all that. That... [15:29] becomes like [15:31] appropriate in a way that you can distinguish that from your real life. You know what I mean? Because like, because like right now, like I'm reading, by the way, [15:41] I'm reading Phantasma by Kaylee Smith. [15:45] I really hope I got it. I think you're right. Let me just make sure. I'm just doing it on your counter, but I don't know. Is it right next to me? [15:50] Oh. [15:51] Yeah. I was like, wait, I keep bringing it around with me. I wanted to make sure I got her name right. It's Phantasma by Kaylee Smith. [15:58] Such a good book. It's like a horror... [16:01] dark romance really good and also like fantasy in there because it's like so like dark romanticy yeah and like the the love interest is this like phantom obsessed named blackwell [16:12] who's, like, very morally gray, but I'm literally, like, spend the rest of your days with him. Like, I'm, like, that's, but in real life, John is very much not Blackwell, the phantom who's morally gray. I can attest to that. You know, like, he's a good guy. Like, it's like, when you're an adult, you can sit there and be like, oh, Ophelia, I get it, girl. And then, like, you can be like, but I love this man who's a good man. Right. But I feel like what you were saying, like, there was such young girls reading this. I thought this was top-tier romance.

[16:42] where you get your, like, oh, this is love. This is pure. This man leaving you in the woods in a coma is love. Coming from, like, now an adult point of view and a parent point of view, I'm like, [16:55] fuck like abandon me in the woods and run away from me with your whole family so i know it's real like what how does he get the whole family involved everybody has to last family like [17:13] And where does everybody go? So unclear where everybody goes. [17:18] Very unclear. Where does everybody go? I also, here's the thing. And again, we're going to get to it. [17:25] During this whole thing, [17:27] Edward appears to Bella in a vision whenever she's doing some reckless shit. [17:35] I don't remember reading this. I remember that I read this book. I didn't remember all the details. And then I remember seeing the movie not once... [17:47] Did I ever know until about 20 minutes ago when Ash informed me that she was not actually seeing? I thought he was somehow projecting... [17:57] himself, because in the books, [17:59] She only hears him. Yeah. She doesn't see him. Of course. And in the movie, obviously, they wanted that visual element. So they have him... [18:05] appear. [18:06] I thought he was really projecting himself, and I thought that's why he said, don't be reckless, because he was like, I don't want to have to project myself. No, she just knows that he would say that. But that's why I'm like... But I get what you're saying, because it's not super obvious. Because I'm like, you set this up so...

[18:20] to not be clear yeah well in her mind it is very clear it's not so this is like this is from uh stephanie meyer's like actual website like the archives um this is frequently asked questions from new moon was edward somehow physically connected to bella with the whole hearing voices thing or if you're watching the movie like the seeing him yeah she says no so powerfully was bella's subconscious knowledge trying to break through her wrong-headed notions that it produced some very convincing delusions i'm not surprised that people thought in the beginning that edward [18:50] how they're wishful thinking on all of our parts however i am surprised that people continued to think this after a certain event that made it impossible to believe that edward was aware of bella's circumstances can you guess what it was laurent in the meadow if edward had any inkling of the fact that victoria had returned for bella no matter how far away on the planet he was he would have been back to forks within 24 hours [19:13] Thank you. [19:14] Here's the thing. [19:16] That's not that clear. [19:18] she was in imminent danger a couple of times she got on the back of that motorcycle he could he's watching her go like do these stupid things you know or like in if you think that he is watching yeah you know what i mean and that this is him projecting if that's what you thought which is what i thought then it would be like but no i've seen if i think he's really appearing then i've seen him let her do this stupid shit over and over again right [19:45] And it's like, [19:47] Who's to say that Laurent isn't bullshitting? You know, like, to me, that didn't seem very serious when he said it. I thought he was bullshitting at first. What? Like, like, if I would, like, Laurent. Like, I could see him. Oh, that Victoria was back. Yeah, like, I could see, because he does do kind of like a flipperoo, where, like, in the first...

[20:05] movie in the first book he like he kind of works with the cullens and like helps warn them and then he does this like flipperoo where he's just like i don't know i guess i'll just eat you now and it's like what the fuck like it does seem a little like [20:17] you know, [20:18] big of a jump, which I guess he's a vampire. And his eyes are bright red, so he's clearly hungry. Or he's going... He just doesn't give a fuck. He's wild enough. [20:29] I don't know. I just that what that didn't I think it didn't hit hard enough for me. [20:34] Well, I mean, obviously it didn't hit hard enough for a lot of people because it's a frequently asked question. Yeah, like you wonder... [20:40] I'm like... [20:41] To me, it just felt like it made more sense to me that there was some kind of telepathic connection between them where he could... [20:51] project himself into her thoughts or into her space there, especially when it was just a voice. Yeah. Yeah. [20:57] That made more sense to me thinking now that like she was just literally losing it, like literally having to lose auditorily and visually hallucinating him. [21:08] Is so much more upsetting. Well, she is. Like, that's really... This is sick. Yeah. This is sick. Now that I know that, I'm like, this is even worse than I thought. But, I mean, she tells us on the back of the book. There is... [21:21] One thing more important than life itself is... [21:24] Edward Cullen. Like that is fizzy, fizzy fucked. Yeah. Yeah. [21:29] Like, obviously, like, people, like, you love your children more than life itself, or you love, like... [21:34] That's really the only thing I can think of. Is that like you love your children more than life itself. They've been together at this point for months.

[21:40] They're teeny. Well, she's a teenager. They're teeny. And I'm also like, you've. [21:45] I presumably never loved a boy before. Yeah, which, of course, when you love someone for the first time, it's so it is all considered. And it's not to say that, like, I'm not sitting here being like, what the fuck? Get over it. Like, I was a fucking. [22:00] Fucking wreck over. [22:02] much bigger losers than edward cullen let me tell you let's be real let me tell you distraught yeah not this distraught well not not walking coma distraught and like sitting alone at a lunch table getting on the back of losers motorcycles jumping off a cliff jumping off like this is i'm sorry screaming in the middle of the night that's exactly yeah oh that i would call [22:31] The doctor. I'd call someone. I would absolutely be on the phone with the doctor. Mom, pick me up. I'm scared. Doctor, call in something. We gotta do something about this. [22:43] I mean, poor Charlie. Poor Charlie, but also I'm like, Charlie... [22:47] call someone like who does he call a professional i know who's the professional psychologist a psychiatrist bring her to the i don't know the fact that nobody brings her to the hospital yeah is cuckoo nuts it is cuckoo nuts like this is obviously this is fiction but if this was really happening you would be like we have to get you evaluated like something needs to change here and instead charlie's like

[23:11] I'm going to send you back to Arizona because this is not okay. And I'm like, I don't think uprooting her and sending her to live to Arizona. He does say that the mom is also in on that, which makes most sense. That actually makes a lot of sense. Come on back. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, you don't even have a permanent address, Renee. I know. Cause they're in like Jacksonville, I think at that point. Yeah. Or they were, who knows. But when we start this whole thing to, this whole thing really relies on age. Yeah. [23:39] Yes. I mean, it starts off. She harps and harps. This is an 18-year-old girl. [23:46] Thank you. [23:47] Let me tell you. [23:48] From my aged position over here. Yeah. [23:52] Pissing me off. Listening to her complain. When she gets up and is like, do I have a gray hair? I'm like, go fuck yourself. Unless you ring me on the horn when you have to buy a box of dye every couple of weeks just to make sure you don't look like... [24:07] you know, mother time over here. Can I tell you something? Drew didn't know that you dyed your hair. [24:13] That is the greatest compliment I've ever heard in my life. Drew did not know that you dyed your hair. And then here, I'm outing him fully. He's going to be so upset. I go... [24:23] She gets gray sometimes. Like, have you not seen that? And he goes, I just thought that was like her roots. Yeah. [24:29] And I said, well, yeah, that are gray. Like, if that kept growing, her hair would be gray. So when it goes away, it's because she dyes it. And he was like, okay.

[24:42] Oh, okay. We had like an hour long conversation about it. And then I was like, [24:49] like we we talked about family hair i was like are you all right i was like are you and then we talked about like how redheads occur in families it was crazy yeah i had to bring back the the lore of punnett squares he had the lore no i literally was like do you remember punnett squares and like recessive traits he was like yeah kind of no actually i think that's probably his exact reaction yeah yeah yeah i love that he didn't know that honestly just made me feel so [25:19] here so that's good later in the argument he was like well no like i knew she dyed her hair and i [25:26] I love that a lot. Yeah, it was wild. I love it. So that's amazing. But yeah, the whole age thing is a real thing. They come after four-year-olds in particular later. They sure do. I thought I only knew was going to yeet her computer across the room. But it begins with Bella. [25:46] being [25:48] Like an elder. Yes. And it's like her and she's having a dream about her and Edward and she's in the meadow, an older woman. She's an elder and they're in the meadow and he says, happy birthday, Bella. [26:00] She's beautiful. [26:01] She's a gorgeous older woman. Debbie thought she was Jane Goodall. Yeah, I was like, damn. R.I.P. R.I.P. But I... [26:08] understand [26:10] her pissiness here because like if my boyfriend is hot and immortal and is never going to age and outright refuses to allow me the experience of staying hot and never aging mm-hmm

[26:27] I'd break up with him. [26:28] Thank you. [26:29] Yeah. [26:30] You're not going to make me age. Like, that's not something that's going to happen. You won't do it. As somebody who has a whole fucking... [26:36] arsenal of skincare right now trying to make it so that I don't look like a prune you don't in the next few years if my boyfriend had if John had venom in his veins that he could just give to me to make it so I stop this and I never have to put like I love medicube but I would never have to do my full medicube it's a lot of process ever again yeah and he was like no I won't do that for you [27:05] Leave. Deal breaker. Find you... There's obviously more vampires out there. Yeah, what the fuck? Find somebody who will. I asked him... [27:14] Recently, [27:15] I was like, would you? Because I was like going through this and thinking about it. I was like, would you do that for me? Of course you would. I was like, of course I would. Why not? I don't. That's the big like plot hole here is like. [27:26] Why not? And I think it's, and it's the whole soul. Fuck that. [27:30] yeah fuck that well like eventually thing well and then by the end of this like spoiler alert he's gonna have to because yeah now the fucking now he has to but he's even trying to get out of it then oh i know that motherfucker i'm like god damn i would i'd start i'd be sus i'd be like who is it that you have that would be my crazy i know especially it's 18 years old oh put him up he's not put him up he's not changing me into a mortal baddie who's your side who is your

[28:00] you gotta like am i your side piece what the fuck is going on i'd be pissed i didn't like it uh this is it's her birthday she's turning 18 yeah we see charlie he brings in adorable he's hot little and she she loves purple and he wrapped them in purple oh it was very sweet and he looks so good the first shot of charlie i was like setting us off right yeah um she gets she gets a digital camera and it's like a pink digital camera and it brought me back oh yeah i had a blue one oh i [28:30] remember taking mirror pics with your camera yeah they had to be in the picture yep and [28:36] There's another part when she goes to school and she sees everybody and she goes to take a picture of all of them. And she you used like two hands to take a photo. [28:46] Yeah, because nobody can say that steady. Yeah. She does that, like, mouth thing where she goes... [28:52] and sucks her bottom lip in and she like blinks a lot and holds it up with one hand and just is like [29:00] And when she does it, she makes this face like, oh, this is really hard. And she snaps that photo with one finger. And I said, that's blurry. Yeah, that's blurry. No one can tell me that's not blurry. She also, when they're like, oh, like, Bella, it's the big day. Like, yay. Like, I'm excited to see you. She takes that camera and is like, oh. [29:19] My mom wants me to, like, make a scrapbook of memories, so I guess I'll take a couple of pictures of you fucking idiots that I hang out with from time to time. I don't even fucking like you. No, she, it's giving the energy of, like, you guys are fucking scoundrels and I hate you, but pose for this fucking picture. Yeah. She's like...

[29:35] I would never commit your images to film. No, she wouldn't. But my mom said I had to. I was like, are you 18? Renee wants me to make a fucking scrapbook so small. And these people... [29:46] Stay. [29:47] being friends with her. I think it's one of those things. These are your ride or dies right here. They are, in fact. I think it's one of those things, especially for Mike, is like you want the girl that doesn't want you. [29:58] I guess. Because she doesn't want anybody. No. And that's why everybody wants her. Including friends. She doesn't want any of that. Yeah, it's wild. Honestly, Jessica is the realest bitch in this entire thing, and we'll get to her part. And I remember thinking when I was younger that she was such a bitch. They set her up to be. They set her up to be. Like, they know who they're playing to. Yeah. Because you watch it as a younger person. You're like, oh my god, Jessica, like, why don't you understand what's going through? You watch it as a deal, you're like, oh my god, [30:28] Bella you're the worst fucking friend ever and can you just listen to her problems too no of course you won't no of course you won't and behind her Edward pulls into the parking lot and takes up three spaces thank you [30:40] i park at least three spaces let me tell you because i have personal experience with horizontally i went on a date with a guy that did that and when he got out of the car and i sat in the car he had to like run in and do something i said this will be our first and last day yeah i will never go out with this man again are you you out there ick [30:59] If you're listening right now, [31:02] Do you or someone you love... [31:04] do that? Do you park across three fucking spaces horizontally like a fucking...

[31:12] snickerdoodle asshole i had never what is that like a snickerdoodle i don't know it's the closest thing i don't know do you do that like a snickerdoodle asshole you said that with such good stuff i said is that a thing it's a thing now snickerdoodle i made it up i don't know i don't know i just needed i needed something it hits for me okay you're gonna say like like a motherfucking [31:42] No, I just remember like having that experience and being like, yeah, that's looking at it on film. I don't know how I didn't notice it before because now I just noticed it too. And I was like, oh, like it immediately was like, oh God. I feel like get the fuck back in that car and you park like you want to pretend you're a human. Get back in the car and park like a fucking human. Because it gives like I'm more important than these two other people. What the? I'm like, fuck you. In your Volvo? [32:12] you yeah they fucking like your what take your car away forever in my school they just throw a bunch of baloney on your car go ahead at the end of the day take that off takes the paint right off [32:22] First, she hits us with snickertoodle asshole. And then she tells us that at her school, which I went to, by the way, that they would throw baloney at your car. [32:33] What is the dark lore there? What? Did somebody hurt you? Nobody did that to me. What? I've heard about it, okay? What? It's happened. It's happened. All right. Baloney will take the paint right off. Does the school officials do that?

[32:55] The principal out here, like, make it a great day or not, I'm going to throw baloney at your car. I'm just saying. You're crazy. [33:03] at his car. [33:05] Also, the fact that baloney takes the paint off of car and cars and people still eat it is rambunctious. That should tell you something. It is rambunctious. [33:24] you [33:26] Improving your sleep can feel overwhelming. It's like, do I need a new mattress? Do I need to check this tracker that I'm on? Should I be taking this supplement? Oh my god, I think I need blackout curtains. Whoa, it's overwhelming. Upgrade your sleep by upgrading your bedding though with bowl and branch. It's simple. Signature sateen sheets, breathable pillows, cozy waffle bed blankets, I freaking love a waffle bed blanket, and beautifully crafted comforters work together [33:55] No new routines, just a bed with bowl and branch bedding that feels softer, more breathable, and way more inviting. Start with the signature sheet set, then add the comforter or the waffle blanket to finish the bed. I personally love how the waffle blanket looks, and it's so cozy, cozy, cozy. [34:13] I really have a hard time with sheets until I found Bowlin Branch. I don't know if you guys have had this problem before. It's like three o'clock in the morning, you roll over and your fitted sheet comes with you and it drives you insane. Not with Bowlin Branch, honey. Ever since I got Bowlin Branch, my sheets stay where they're supposed to. My waffle blanket is covered, cozifying me and my temperature is regulated. I love it. Upgrade your sleep with Bowlin Branch. Get 15% off your first order plus free shipping at bowlinbranch.com slash morbid with code morbid.

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[36:20] neighbor, State Farm is there. [36:28] Also, they kiss in this scene, and it's porn. [36:33] Yeah, because Bella's like, they barely keep it together. Like, they are so glad for them that they're having that experience every single time they kiss. Maybe have it at home. Those are private moments, like not in the middle of the school parking lot. [36:53] Like, [36:54] do you need a minute like what those are the noises that they make literally it's not it's frightening it is and then so they have their porn kiss and then jacob shows up and is like bella and he's like i got a birthday present for you she looks over and says jacob and then she does this hair tuck thing where she's like like this very like like giddy like yeah coquettish [37:24] in that like way. Yeah. And then she's like, hello, biceps. Biceps. [37:29] I your tongue was just in your boyfriend's throat. Actually, it wasn't because she would have passed out had that been the case. That's very true. [37:38] But basically the idea was there. [37:42] It was applied. And then you turn around... [37:45] Get super giddy about this boy. Gotta fix your hair immediately. And then say, hello, biceps. Whew.

[37:52] I can tell you right now. [37:54] I don't know that John would be super understanding of this. No, Drew definitely wouldn't. Here's the thing. I do know that John would not be super understanding about this. I'm like, I know that I wouldn't be super understanding about this. No. Had this been flipped around. I'm barely understandable about like celebrities. Yeah. This would not go over well for me. Also, Bella, today's your 18th birthday. Jacob's 16. Yeah. Leave his biceps alone. Leave his biceps. Those baby biceps. Salonious. [38:24] Now, [38:26] They run into Alice and Alice is wearing like a paint smock. [38:29] Yeah, of course. Yeah. She looks adorable, though. Yeah, she's cute. Even in the paint smock. Her hair did grow. [38:35] It did. The whole time they're talking because Alice wants to plan a party for Bella's birthday. [38:40] You know, she just wants to have the Cullens. It's very strange. Jasper, our Confederate soldier guy back there, he is just like losing his he's he's like R.E.M. in the back. He's losing his religion. He can't. [38:57] He can barely hold it together and no one is bleeding right now. Here's the other thing, like... [39:02] Accidents happen a lot at school. People get paper cuts pretty frequently. Kids get in a fight sometimes. Blood is drawn. Bloody noses. Bloody noses. [39:12] periods periods are happening period period [39:16] Yeah. How does he keep it together? [39:19] it's a great question and also he does this like mind thing on bella or like the body calming effect because she says like no fair jasper

[39:28] That's not... It doesn't hold up later. He can control, like, the temperature of... [39:32] everybody's mood but she's supposed to be like a yeah have like a force field around her basically yeah remember because later on she's got like some kind of block yeah like when jane tries to love do the thing to her later it just doesn't work and it doesn't work when the arrow does the light is [39:48] So why does Jaspers... [39:50] Unless... [39:52] And why can Alice see her choices and visions? [39:56] Yeah, it's all a little muddy. Yeah, there is a little muddiness. There is a little bit, a little bit, a little bit in class. They're watching Romeo and Juliet because that's a heavy theme. [40:07] In this whole thing as well. Is the prologue Romeo and Juliet? Is it? I can't remember. I think... [40:16] It was supposed to be, and if it's not, I think it got cut. Oh, there's like a... [40:20] The first page is these violent delights have violent ends and in their triumph die like fire and powder, which as they kiss consumes. [40:29] Gorgeous. [40:30] When Edward... [40:33] recites Romeo and Juliet, [40:35] I get it. [40:37] I understand. Here's the thing. Does nothing for you? I didn't. Really? I don't really. I think it's the dead-eyed way in which he does it. [40:47] Well, he is dead. And for that, usually I love somebody who looks like they've passed on. She's got that Nicole Richie type.

[40:59] Usually I'm for that. [41:03] when you're reciting... [41:04] um shakespeare yeah give me a little something did you give me a little something behind that when you're dead-eyed staring and just like monosyllabically saying it not doing it for me fucking five-point word not doing it for me i think that i was conditioned to love edward cullen and i don't want to be unconditioned just no like i recognize that it's toxic but i'm here for it i also love edward cullen i mean i love i love and i know everybody knows this if you watch the [41:34] and listened along. I love a morally gray to just outright say, [41:40] vile fictional dude. So I'm not here to tell anybody. [41:46] I'm not here to tell you that like you shouldn't like Edward Cullen because I love Edward Cullen as a character. It's just that that read character. [41:55] didn't do the didn't do it different strokes for different folks give me a little something it's shakespeare put a little put a little something into it i felt i felt what he put in there it was that dead-eyed stare i couldn't get past but while they're they're watching romeo and juliet in school in class before he recites it and he just like casually tells bell he's like you know that time when you got bit by james and like almost died um i was just gonna kill myself and she was like whoa and he was like i mean what better time to say it well he's literally like [42:25] I planned it. And she's like, you what? Like, excuse me. And she's, and he's like, yeah, I know. It's like, it's a little harder for me to do it. So I was going to go to Italy and I was going to, you know,

[42:35] I was going to provoke the Volturi into killing me. Imagine Eve's dropped on their conversation. [42:42] That's, you're just sitting in the back of English class. Yeah. And also like the Volturi is not supposed to be known to anybody. No. So him even telling her that is no bueno. Yeah. [42:51] Him saying that in English class is probably a problem. Pretty wild. Probably an issue. If Arrow heard that, he would laugh so hard. And then he would kill you. Really? He should. Yeah. Have known that. Because he's like, you're fucking this up. Yeah. Well, no, he shouldn't. He doesn't know that because... [43:06] He has to touch the person before he hears all their thoughts. [43:09] But later he touches Edward. Yeah, but I'm sure that one didn't [43:13] didn't permeate. There's millions of thoughts that he's reading, so I'm sure that one didn't permeate. You would think hearing Volturi. You would think. Like, my ding. [43:22] You know, speaking of the Volturi... [43:24] He explains the one law that the Volturi really enforces is that they have to keep the existence of vampires a secret. And with that, I want to just quickly tell you about the Volturi. Let's fucking go. Since we're mentioning them. Illustrated guide. Illustrated guide time. Illustrated guide alert. [43:45] So according to the illustrated guide, they're basically royalty to vampires, which Edward says as much. [43:54] at this moment. It's Arrow, Caius, Marcus, Silpicia, which is Arrow's wife. [44:00] Oh. [44:01] Yeah. Does she ever come back around? I don't know. And then there's Athena Dora, which is Caius's wife.

[44:07] I don't remember her. Cool if her did not make the wives important. Yeah, cool. I don't know if they come later or what. I don't remember ever seeing their wives. [44:15] I don't remember Arrow ever having a wife. No, I don't either. Maybe? I haven't seen. I haven't watched. I can't remember. I haven't seen. I haven't watched. I haven't been there. It's been a while. We'll get there because we are going to do all of them. We promise you this. I watched Eclipse recently, but I stopped before Breaking Dawn. I haven't watched Eclipse in forever. When I went back in October, I did Bing Bang. You went hard. And then I fell right off. See, I only hit one. [44:45] New Moon. I can never just watch Twilight. You can't just watch one. But they have their own city in Italy called Belterra. That's pretty hot. And they've secretly controlled it for 3,000 years. So that's pretty sweet. They pulled a fast one over on the Romanians at some point, the Romanian coven. Because they were super powerful vampires at the time and they tried to get them, like they were just beefing for territory. As people do. You know, beef for territory. [45:15] And of course the Romanians were like, no bitch. And so they used that as a reason to kind of like beef harder with them and take over their territory, which they ended up doing. So it's really topical. [45:27] It is. Arrow also likes to create vampires very specifically. Yeah. [45:33] He likes to create them when they have special abilities. Fun. It's like an army of very specialized vampires, which, to be honest, I think that's just smart. It's called curating. Yeah. Look it up. Hey, have a Pinterest board? Let's go. The world is Arrow's Pinterest board, okay? So he's just looking around. His pin is, fight. Oh, no, that's Rewatcher. Yeah. Yeah. I forgot. They don't snarf out their fangs because they don't have fangs.

[45:59] Oh, fuck. I forgot that they don't have fangs. Which, to be honest, doesn't make sense. I think it's kind of bullshit. They don't have fangs. They don't have tattoos. They're only white. Boo. Yeah, like true. And in this one, when you see Laurent, they cast like this weird pale... [46:15] filter a little bit over him. I don't know if you noticed it too. When they first show him, he's like paler. [46:22] Then he looks and I was like, don't do that. His skin is gold. Yeah. Because in the first movie... [46:28] There's no filter. I mean, in both movies. I think Laurent is... He's fine. Stunning. Yeah. But in the first movie... [46:36] I don't know. It didn't look like it had that pale sheen filter over him. I'm not really sure if it was just, like, lighting or whatever. But, yeah, so they take over the Romanian territory, and Ero loves to create special vampires. He just wants to make sure that Volturi is, like, extra badass. I love that. So he's like, I want all these specialized things. The biggest law is to keep vampires a secret. Of course. They don't want people knowing. They use humans as, like, servants, essentially. And sometimes they'll turn them. Sometimes they'll eat them, as we hear at the end of the movie. [47:06] Jane, like, one of them is like, oh, does she want to be turned? That's what Bella says. And she's like, so she'll be turned. And then Jane says, or dessert. And I was like, that's awesome. I love Jane. Jane is scary. We get more of her, I think, in Eclipse and Breaking Dawn. [47:20] I love that. Dakota Fanning ate that shit. She eats up every fucking roll. She really. I love her. There's also there's another law that's like really important to the Volteri that doesn't get touched upon here yet. We'll get to it is the making of immortal children.

[47:36] Oh, yeah. They don't want that. That's why Renesmee becomes such a problem. Big issue. Yeah. Which we'll get there. So the present day Volturi, they have like nine permanent members of the guard. Apparently like there's five of like the big wigs and then there's nine members of the guard. Okay. And then there's like a bunch of other members outside of that. But there's Jane and Alex who are Alex, excuse me. They're twins where they were turned because they had special [48:06] abilities as humans. Okay. And Arrow heard about this. This is according to the Illustrating Eye. [48:15] Illustrating Eye. Arrow heard about these [48:18] special. [48:19] abilities when they were like toddlers. [48:21] Like when they were young. So Goody didn't change them. So he started like following them around. And he couldn't. Not just rolling through these streets behind toddlers. Yeah. He's just like waiting for them to like something to happen. Catch Arrow at your local Toys R Us. He also, he can't make immortal children. That's part of the law. So he couldn't turn them. Does. No. No. [48:41] So this is interesting. And I don't know if it gets touched upon in the movies. I can't remember. [48:46] So Jane and Alec, they're twins. They're, I think they're like around 800 AD is when they existed. And when they were like 12, as they grew up, they had these abilities, psychic abilities. Jane has the ability to cause, inflict insane pain on people. So much mass destruction inside. With just her mind. And Alec, his thing is he can cut off anyone's senses. Yeah.

[49:09] hearing, seeing, smelling. [49:11] feeling that's pretty dope he can cut him off like totally i thought you were gonna say he can cut anyone off and i said that's also my special ability that's also become mine uh but yeah he can do that so they're those abilities were not like fully formed but they were kind of in like a lot of people in their village thought they were weird they started freaking people out in their village they're twins i love these weird darks like and like they're both kind of like [49:41] Village started thinking they were witches. Iconic. This is 800 AD. [49:44] They burned them at the stake when they were 12 or 13 years old. Oh, they literally burned them? They got burned at the stake at 12 or 13 years old. Arrow found out about this, and as they were on the brink of death, he said, well, I can save them. All right. So he saved them, turned them into vampires. That's honorable. And now he gets to use their special abilities. And those special abilities, everybody, got amplified. [50:08] When they became vampires. In vampirehood. Because Alec, while he was being burned, apparently was using his own powers on himself to not feel being burned. Okay. And so now he uses those powers to, like, incapacitate people that they're in battle with so that it's, like, an easier kill. Ah. And then Jane's just pissed. Good for her. She got pissed. So she's just like, I was burned at the stake. I'm going to fuck people up. Yeah, let's go. So I thought that was pretty cool. That is pretty cool. [50:38] determine rank, like the... Whatever your cloak color is. It's like Slytherin, Gryffindor, Ravenclaw. But it's like a rank. So the darker cloaks are higher rank. And...

[50:51] In the illustrated guide, there's a quote from Stephanie Meyer that says, which I found like interesting. She said, there aren't many bad guys in my novels. [51:00] disagree i hard disagree even the bad guys usually have a pretty good reason for the way they are and some of them come around in the end i don't see the world as full of negatives [51:11] James question mark? James question mark. Arrow question mark. Lariah question mark. Which we'll get to. Jane question mark. I mean, yeah, like there's some bad guys, I feel like. Yeah. [51:23] Well, you know, well, like, like what reasons are we prescribing as, as valid? [51:30] for hunting someone. [51:31] You know, each their own. I guess like it's whatever you think is a valid reason for doing morals. [51:38] Yeah. Are different for everybody. We do watch at the end an entire tour group. [51:43] of men, women, and very young children enter the Volturi lair and get slaughtered. Meh. [51:50] So I don't. [51:51] I don't know what reason we would prescribe that. That would feel right, but... They were dumb. But again, to each their own. You know what? They were too inquisitive of history. They were silly. That's... [52:02] To in search of knowledge. Yeah, great. So that was interesting to me. [52:07] I guess we can get, should we get to Arrow, like, talking about them now, or should I wait until we meet them? Probably wait until we meet them. No, why don't you get into it now, because you're already in the voluntary of it all, yeah. So let's talk about Arrow, because we've already talked about him. That's the thing. He's got black hair, he's got red-black eyes, his skin is described as, like, translucent, like a lot of them are. Because vamp. Because vamp. We're also described that way.

[52:37] I hate that the most thick. Ew, so it's like filmy? It makes me think like kind of slimy. Blech. [52:44] In a way, and like membrane-y. That's a thing! Yeah. I was like, oh! A lot of them are described like that. Also, like, I love peeling onions. Yeah. That's what their skin is. It's like a sunburn. Ooh! He's also described as 5'10". [52:59] He has big guy energy. He really does. He has much taller energy. You're 5'1", so that's really tall to you. That's tall to me. I don't know if I'm 5'5 or 5'6". I've really never been able to determine. Pretty tall. 5'5 with Brenna. That's me. Possibly. He has... [53:20] the energy... [53:21] Of somebody who's six foot three, I would say. I would say. Yeah, at least. At least a six footer. Duff. But his special ability, because of course he has one, he can touch somebody and he can, like we mentioned earlier, can hear every thought they've ever thought in their entire life. That's so disturbing. Which feels like a wild ability to get so much. I'm like, even the intrusive ones? Yeah. Even when I've, like, wanted, like, not wanted to, but been like, you're off the road right now. Oh, yeah. Cut your finger off. I can hear them all. My question is, how, are they cataloged? [53:51] him. Does he have a tab in his head where he can click and expand one? Yeah, like how does... Are they just... [53:57] Coming at him? Or can he like flip through and be like, I'd like to look at the ones when they were... [54:02] 18 in this like i'd like to look at the ones from this afternoon like how do you maybe they all just like they all flood through but they all hit it's pretty wild he uses it later and he's pretty effective at it but um the illustrated guide says at one point that he was transformed when he was like

[54:21] 40. Okay. [54:22] And in the same paragraph, it says that he was in his mid-20s. [54:27] different so different i guess split the difference and say he was 30 maybe [54:32] Okay, I suppose. All right. Um, he was the last of his coven to form a romantic attract attachment, which I [54:41] I'm like, that makes sense for Arrow, I feel. Yeah. [54:44] Like took him a minute. [54:46] Yeah. You know, he's not one to settle. I mean, if you can hear everybody's ever, every single thought they've ever had, it would take me a minute to settle down as well. That's true. You know? Yeah. Yeah. [54:57] I get that. Yeah. He also, he did kill his own sister. Oh. [55:02] Oh. Yeah. Oh. [55:07] So I think one of the reasons, so his own sister, I... [55:12] I don't know how to say her name. It's spelled kind of wild. It's D-I-D-Y. [55:19] M-E. [55:21] Did it me? [55:22] Did he meet? [55:24] Diddy me? Diddy me. He killed her because he killed her. He turned her and then she became mates with Marcus, who looks like he has gastrointestinal issues. He's the one who looks like he's constantly looking for a bathroom. He's looking for a modium. And we know why now we'll we'll get into it. But he's on the count like the Volturi with him. I think they plan to leave together.

[55:54] So he killed her. I think he also... [55:56] He didn't love... She had a special... I don't think she had, like, crazy special abilities. So he was like, you're not really... I don't really need your shit. Damn. And about him forming a romantic attachment last, the way that Stephanie Meyer said it was, Arrow decided in advance that he would rather choose a human and create a mate than look for his match in another vampire, who might have ties to her own creator or other relationships that would complicate his plans. I get that. And I said, honestly, same, King. I fully get that. I'd be the same way. Yeah. Yeah. [56:26] Like, if I was a vampire for that many years, I'd be like, yeah, I think I'm just going to, like, choose my own adventure. 100%. Because that person might have ties to their creator, and I don't want to deal with that. Yeah, sirehood is big. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I'm for that. Yeah. So I get it. And again, he's the one who discovered Jane and Alex, so he's the one who did that. Okay, okay. [56:47] Now, speaking of Marcus... [56:50] who is his Arrow's sister's mate. Yes. Marcus has black hair. He has red and black eyes. He was the mate of Arrow's sister, Didomy, and he never got over her death. But he also doesn't know who killed her. [57:07] oh yeah fuck he doesn't know that it's arrow that it's his literal like right hand guy and he's been going through like he wants to discover who killed her [57:18] And so he's just a sad boy. That's why he feels and looks that way. He's very bummed. Of course he is. Like very bummed. So when he is sitting there, and we'll talk about it at the end, when we see him, and he just looks fucking miserable. Tortured. He is. He is. Like he is. Wait, so what's his special power? So his special power is he can see the relationships and connections that people have with each other.

[57:43] Which I said, so can people with eyes. Yeah. [57:49] Okay. Special, I guess. [57:53] apparently in like a big situation with like a big group of people, he can pick out the leader. [57:57] Or he can sense, like, a bond between certain people. So he's just a people person. He can also see when bonds are weak. He's an empath. That's just being around people? He's an empath. Yeah. Yeah. He's just, like, an uber empath. He's got a good gut. So he's, yeah. Aside from the gas. Aside from the Imodium. Yes. So that's Marcus. So he's just really sad. See, I feel like Arrow probably would have killed him. But Arrow probably finds, like, joy in knowing that he killed his sister, who was Marcus's wife. And now he can just watch him be miserable. [58:27] my guy arrow because otherwise that's not a super useful skill no but maybe it's kind of useful because it's like you can tell when things i think he can tell fast so i think he can look over at somebody and be like oh that bond's not that all right all right or like if people are pretending to have a strong bond he could be like nah like that shit isn't real or like he can tell like fakery or he can tell [58:51] these two actually care about each other a lot they're not saying it but like you could exploit that all right you know so i guess that could be part of it uh caius who is played by jamie campbell bauer aka vacna everybody look at that uh [59:07] He is one of these guys. He's he has white hair. He has the red black eyes. He his special power is just being a hater. Love. Love. In fact, Arrow literally says that he was impressed by his, quote, passionate capacity to hate.

[59:27] I... [59:28] get it. Batman to Gemini. Yeah, he fucking... He's Vecna, essentially. He is Vecna. I don't know anything about Vecna. He's so good at holding a grudge. Just professional... [59:41] professional. He owns a grudgery. He owns a grudgery. Let's go. He hates werewolves. [59:47] hates them. He wants them eradicated. Doesn't see a need for them at all. But the ones that he hunted were different from the Quileute tribe. Okay. He hunted werewolves that were actually called the Children of the Moon. Obsessed. And I guess they are real bona fide werewolves where the Quileute tribe are shapeshifters. Okay. And can choose when to transition into a werewolf. Sort of. But the Children of the Moon... [1:00:17] full moon hits werewolf like they don't get a choice all right like they're the they're the werewolves that you think of in you know i mean like the classic yeah yeah that don't have a choice every full moon they're just gonna turn into a werewolf yeah got it so he was hunting those ones let's i guess we'll stay tuned and see how he feels about the quill you tried yeah probably not good i'm gonna say this guy holds a grudge i don't think he's gonna like i'm obsessed [1:00:47] in the book where Jane walks in and arrow's so happy to see her. And he walks up to her and it's like, Oh my God, girl. And he just kisses her right on the mouth. And I want to be clear with you that Jane canonically is 12 and arrow canonically is either [redacted address]. Not good. Not legal. She's going to be kissing a 12 year old on the lips. No, no. And she says like, she says like, hello master when that happens.

[1:01:17] to unpack. There's a lot there to shove into a corner. So much to shove into a corner. So we're going to shove that into a corner right now because we're not quite there. So that's the Volturi of it all. We're going to get to that. That's a whole thing. And we'll get to the Quileutes a little more when we get to that part. Okay. So Edward has this whole plan where he was going to kill himself and he's just casually dropping that in English 101. Yeah. And she's just like, whoa, that's crazy. Don't do that. [1:01:47] Cool. And they're just like, they just talk about how they're obsessed with each other and they can't live without each other. Obsessed with you. Very, very much, like a lot. A lot of pressure on each other. Sort of like a trauma bomb. They both are putting a lot of pressure on each other. Yeah, you guys have only been together for like a few months. So then we get to... [1:02:03] The Cullen House... [1:02:05] The party is happening. At one point, she goes down. It's real pretty. They did a great job. Lots of flowers and candles. The cake is the ugliest thing I've ever seen in my fucking life. Yeah. It's green and white, and I hate it. [1:02:16] But I think Bella would love it. [1:02:17] Yeah, because she has horrible taste. I think they nailed that for her. Well, Alice's style is also questionable. But Alice just gets Bella. She does. She will love this. It's so gross. Alice also runs up to her when she walks downstairs, takes a picture of her with a digital camera and says, I got this out of your bag. I hope you don't mind. And I said... [1:02:38] I would be like, [1:02:39] i i i so much do i mind like i'd literally be like we should walk over here and talk about boundaries are you a clepto none of you have any and that's weird you can't just go with my bag and get my birthday present out and use it like that's just you can't just ask me yeah you know i have a camera obviously so it's like just say can i use the camera real quick she knew that she would say no no bell doesn't like being in pictures rosalie is the appropriate level of

[1:03:09] vampire. Yes. Like, I was thinking that as this scene happened, because she's, like, undoubtedly a wildly hot vampire. Yeah. Like, she is the apex. Chef's kiss. And when you see her in this scene, you're like, oh, I would fucking hate it if you were nice. Yeah. I would hate it. If she was kind and welcoming, I'd be like, bleh. [1:03:27] She is the appropriate level of bitch. She's uninterested. She's annoyed that she has to be there. When she says, she tells her what the birthday gift is. Oh my God. Alice just hands her a box and is like, you first, Rosalie. And Rosalie's like, it's a necklace. Alice picked it out. I didn't get this for you. I said, she said, I didn't get this for you. And I won't give you the joy of surprise. It's a necklace. No, don't even fucking open it. Fuck you. Who gives a shit? Like, I just loved it. I said, oh, I love her. [1:03:57] yourself [1:03:59] Jasper. Jasper. [1:04:01] Just loses it. Okay. I would like to come in here. Yeah. Yeah. [1:04:07] She gets a paper cut. Jasper was there in the first movie when we are to believe that Bella has, like... [1:04:15] opened up her femoral artery and it is leaking everywhere and like hemorrhaging all over the place. And Jasper's in the background helping them fight off James. [1:04:25] unbothered how can he not handle a paper cut when her femoral artery was hemorrhaging yeah [1:04:33] Hello? Do you write mention at all? [1:04:36] that [1:04:37] Like after she passed out. [1:04:39] Jasper.

[1:04:40] Had to be like taken out of the room. [1:04:42] Yeah, I do think they say that. But like... But like you didn't... But like he stays in the room for a little bit. He was able to be distracted. Yeah. With something. Yeah. Yeah. [1:04:51] That's the main problem. He was distracted with the James of it all. And I actually don't even know if they say it in the movie. I think you're right. I think they mentioned it in the book. Yeah, because I feel like all of a sudden that just popped into my head. I was like, am I making that up? They definitely mentioned it in the book. I'm almost positive. I think they do that. [1:05:08] To explain it. As the smallest way of explaining this, because I think otherwise it doesn't make sense at all. But even still, it really doesn't hold up. No, his reaction to that little of blood... And, like, the immediate reaction. And that they can't stop him. Right. Like, he yeets everybody around. And... [1:05:24] Edward [1:05:26] Straight up. [1:05:27] launches like like out of a like a t-shirt gun launches like not a t-shirt gun like launches like [1:05:37] Bella into a glass table. Yeah. And it's like the shit out of her arm. The paper cut was one thing, but then she just opened up her arm. So she's bleeding everywhere. Now the whole place is just sitting there like snarling at her. Also, she taking like three baby aspirin a day. [1:05:53] I hope so. She's a bleeder. Yeah. But like whenever, like that paper cut, it was like, boom. I was like, you're on a blood thinner. Yeah. I was like, damn. Like, what's going on, baby girl? You gotta calm down. Hello? Calm down, babe.

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[1:09:37] This is a paid ad by BetterHelp. There have been times in my life where I have been work, work, work, and nothing else, but that simply doesn't work for me. So I feel like the older I've gotten, I've really gotten much better at taking a step back, being able to prioritize a work-life balance that works for me. [1:10:07] and saying no when you need to. [1:10:10] Therapy can also be a great way to get out of autopilot and get a solid reset. Therapy with BetterHelp may help you understand your needs, feel more confident setting boundaries, and create a rhythm that feels sustainable. BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform. Just take a short questionnaire to identify your needs and preferences, and BetterHelp will handle the initial therapist matching work for you. You can also feel confident knowing that BetterHelp therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully qualified. [1:10:40] Take a pause with therapy. BetterHelp can help life feel manageable again. Sign up and get 10% off at BetterHelp.com slash morbid. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com slash morbid. [1:10:54] But yeah, it's pretty crazy. [1:11:00] And after Jasper tries to kill her and, you know, like Carlisle fixes her up and everything, they have discussion about Edward's soul. Edward is such a dick and kind of just disappears after this, like can't handle the fact that.

[1:11:14] she's a human that that's what could have happened. But in the book, he comes over at one point to watch ESPN with Charlie. [1:11:23] And have, like, bonding time with him. Okay. And, like, basically ignores Bella the whole time and, like, isn't very, like, she's trying to [1:11:31] like, [1:11:32] still ignore her. It's very weird. I'd be like, why did you come to my house to ignore me, you douche? Yeah, and during this whole thing, she's doing her scrapbooking thing, because remember, my mom wants me to take pictures and do a scrapbook. I don't care about any of you. And she has a picture from the birthday party of her and Edward. Yeah. And she folds herself out of the picture. Reckless. And then tapes just him in there. And I was like, this is so damaging to young girls to watch. You don't matter. You don't matter. It's all about your man. You're disgusting. [1:12:02] Just crop yourself out. You shouldn't actually even exist in physical photo form. Like, what the fuck? Yeah. Bella should be seeing a psychiatrist. Yeah. Like, and then when the Cullens stop going to school, because remember when Edward is sad, they all have to stop. Everyone. Everyone shuts down their life. Which, honestly, I'd be like, yeah, gets out all the time because why the fuck am I going to school at 6,000 gajillion years old? Exactly. Why am I going to high school for the 85th time in a row? [1:12:32] even though that that art piece is pretty rad but [1:12:36] When they stop coming to school, they show Bella just sitting there staring at their table at the lunch table. [1:12:43] Her friends around her are all goofing around, making each other laugh. Throwing shit at each other. And you're just watching this, and you're like, as a young girl watching this...

[1:12:53] It's it's like this is what you should be doing. You should be goofing around with your friends, having fun, talking about silly shit. And you are so deeply entrenched. [1:13:04] And this one person, it's like exactly what, it's exactly what I don't want. Yeah. I know. Is somebody to be this, for them to be this entrenched in a person this young. This movie. And miss out on everything they should be doing. We will show them the outtakes as a cautionary tale. I will show them this as a cautionary tale and be like, you can't be like this. Like, don't let somebody consume you. And we'll end it with the screams in the night. Yeah. Not the proposal. That's it. That's how you will end. Yeah. [1:13:34] Now, [1:13:35] This is when she goes home. [1:13:37] And Edward is just creeping. First, he steals the picture. He's in a room and he steals the picture. So fucked up. Yeah. And then he's just creeping. He doesn't even leave a picture of himself. No. And then he's just creeping in her fucking driveway. No. [1:13:49] And he says... [1:13:51] You want to take a walk with me real quick? [1:13:54] And the way he says it, my true crime brain said... [1:13:58] nope no you're not going in the woods with that man also the way he said you want to just take a quick walk with me for a minute in the woods with how you've been acting why does he and how you just said that no sir why does he take her into the woods to do what he's i am still asking that question to this day take her to her house you are at her house charlie's home yeah do it on the front steps and do it so she can just go inside you have to be in the woods if you didn't want to be in the

[1:14:28] Sit on the front steps. Sit in her car. Tell her. [1:14:31] And then wait for her to go inside so you know she's got somebody. Like, sit in the back of her truck. This motherfucker left her in the middle of Forks, Washington woods. The fact that he makes her do a hike before breaking up with her, volatile. And the way they hike... [1:14:48] foreign vast was the most cutting thing he says to her. [1:14:54] is I'm just sorry I let this go for so long. [1:14:58] oh for some reason that one just because he's pretending that he doesn't give a shit yeah he doesn't actually like her yep it's a little too easy for him to pretend it is he and when he said i'm just sorry that i let this go on for so for some reason that would have gutted me but you said it's worse in the book because it sounds that makes you sound pathetic like it's literally like i'm sorry that i just like let you think i liked you for that long like it's like oh and then she [1:15:28] I'm like, damn. Ouch. It's so diabolical. In the book, it's even... [1:15:35] You read it to me earlier and I almost cried. It's a rough one. It hit me. [1:15:39] So in the book, [1:15:41] He says, don't worry, you're human. Your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind. And she says... [1:15:49] And your memories? And he says, well, I won't forget, but my kind were very easily distracted. And then he smiles. He says, I said, fuck you. I'm sorry, what? I'll think of you from time to time and then I'll distract myself. But I'll just be distracted.

[1:16:04] Easily, easily. [1:16:07] Like, and and during all this in the book, because I noticed in the movie when he says, like, promise me something, she doesn't say, like, yes, I will. She's just like in shock. Yeah. In the book, when he says promise me something, she says anything. [1:16:23] Oh, no. Don't promise a man anything in the woods. Well, and when he's telling you, I don't give a fuck about you. Like, I actually don't like you. I don't want to be with you. But promise me something. If you respond anything... [1:16:34] what yeah girly like what the fuck early mama it's rough in the book it's rough yeah that's and it's and it's rough in the movie but it's rough in the book so that whole thing she gets left in the middle of the fucking woods after she tries to run after him she's like edward and then she runs after him she actually says exactly and then she just falls down and just lays out which is like can i just say something heartbreaking oh it is she just lays on the [1:17:04] so pathetic. It is, but you're just like, you have no basis of any relationship. And you have very... [1:17:11] Like her mom is a wreck is an absent. Yeah. Like she's obviously it's not like Charlie, especially in the book. Charlie absent. [1:17:21] Like just not, she has no, she does no concept of like what real love is. No. And this is just like earth shattering to her that like the thing she thought was love isn't that. Yeah. It's so sad. It is pathetic, but it's like you look at it and you're just like, damn, it's crazy.

[1:17:38] It's horrible. Because you also, you forget, because to me, she comes off so young in this. Yeah. Like, it's like 15, 16. But she's literally 18. And then you're like, oh, you just turned 18. Yeah. Like, damn, get up. Yeah. That's when you go, get up. Get up, bitch. Go about your life. Get up. You got to shift at Newton's. Yeah. [1:17:55] And Sam finds her in the woods and his wolf form. Sam is one of the Quileute tribe. You skipped over the fact, though, that they literally had to send a fucking search party out for her. Oh, yeah, like, they think she's dead. Like, Edward left her so far in the woods and she passes out. Charlie had to get... The both of them are so just fucking reckless that they have to get a search party involved. Like, Charlie literally has to become, like, chief of homicide in that moment. And, like, find her. Yep. [1:18:25] because they're friends with Charlie and they're... And they can, like, sniff out the woods. Yes. And so they're... [1:18:30] Sam, who ends up being the alpha of the tribe, we will learn, he finds her and picks her up and brings her back. Just emerges out of the woods with her. Just shirtless and jorts out of the woods. Can you imagine being Charlie in that moment? No. Not jorts carrying my daughter out of the woods. Not ab jorts. He was probably like, my life was so simple. Go back. Go back to Arizona, Bella. So simple before you came. He says, give me a call.

[1:19:00] man in jorts with no shirt on carry you out of the woods. A couple months ago you fell down a flight of stairs, fell through a fucking plate glass window, came back with a fucking bite scar on your arm that moves by the way, that shifts. [1:19:15] It's crazy. Local legend is that your boyfriend's a fucking vampire. This is when we get our... [1:19:22] It's a possibility. [1:19:26] And we just circle around her. Months. And in the book, she does the thing where she has blank pages with just the month on it. Which I think is a really clever, it's a good way of doing it. I remember watching this. [1:19:39] And just, like as a child, sobbing. Ugly, titanic ugly tears. I said, I loved you. And there's random trick-or-treaters in your yard. People are trespassing on your property, Bella. Call the police. Oh, wait, your dad's a police chief. [1:20:01] It's so fucked. She's in the same pair of sweatpants. Same, and she's just staring dead-eyed outside. It's awful. [1:20:09] I'm sorry, but are we to believe that she just sits there for months? Like, does she get up? You see little bits of her getting up, but like sitting and just staring off into the distance. Charlie trying to. I'm like, does she miss four months of school? Like, what the fuck? And like, then we get the screaming nightmares where she wakes up in the middle of the night, just screaming bloody murder. The screaming nightmares are where, as a parent, I would draw the fucking line. That's when you've got to get some help.

[1:20:39] gotta get some help like when this is because there's a part there's a part where where charlie poor charlie charlie it's just trying he's trying to do the dad thing or the parent thing really and at night one of the greatest things you'll ever have as a parent is when you just fall asleep on that couch downstairs because it's been a long day and then you wake up at some unknown time and you're like oh i gotta get upstairs [1:21:03] but he's fallen asleep in front of the TV and she just starts screaming in her sleep. And you, he like jumps up and it's like, and like goes to walk upstairs. And I was like, [1:21:11] She's 18. Yeah. Move out. He probably was like, what? I thought this ended in elementary school. No. Like nightmares. It doesn't. Nope. Not with Bella. Nope. Not with Bella. Bella Swan. She's going to bring you right back. She said you thought... [1:21:25] You thought you could sit in front of the TV. It's crazy. And then she's just sitting alone at the Cullen's lunch table, which I think is... Diabolical. So far beyond the realm of, like... I would literally... This is when... [1:21:40] I said, Bella needs a fucking Capricorn friend at that table. A reality check. Who will sit there for maybe a day and watch that bitch sit at that empty table. [1:21:50] The next day, I would get up, I would walk over there, and I'd say, listen. Get your ass up. Listen, sniffles. Either. Not sniffles. Get over it and come sit at their fucking table. Don't. This is stupid. Or get the fuck out of my eyeline while you're doing it because this is dumb. Because also. I'm not watching you sit there and mope at their table. That's insane. I can't imagine watching my friend do this after dating this guy for a few months. That's the other thing. Like, that's the biggest thing.

[1:22:20] This isn't years. It's crazy. Like, [1:22:22] And [1:22:23] It's the table. The table just gets me because I'm also like... [1:22:27] That's attention seeking. Next thing you know, she walks in wearing a peacoat. That's attention. Literally. She buys a Volvo. She just starts triple parking. She walks in with a bag of eggs and plays a carrot like the kazoo at the table. [1:22:45] She alternates between a paint smock and a peacoat. [1:22:48] she starts like you know bringing someone in that's supposed to be her brother but isn't oh man um but yeah it's attention seeking at this point because it's in public and you're literally doing that for the whole cafeteria to wonder what's wrong with you but then somebody will walk out up to you no doubt and say [1:23:06] Hey, you okay? And you'll say, please don't ask me about this. It's private. Even though you're sitting in public. She's that girl who goes on Facebook and says... [1:23:15] I'm going through a really bad time right now. Don't PM. Please don't pry. Please. Please don't pry. This is private. Please allow my privacy during this time. Allow my privacy. [1:23:24] It's ridiculous. [1:23:26] At one point, Charlie says, it's just not normal. And that's fact. Quite frankly, it's scaring the hell out of me. And I said, preach, Charlie. [1:23:36] It's scaring us as viewers. Yes. I said, I'm scared about this fictional character. We all feel that. [1:23:42] So she's like, don't worry, dad. Cause he's like, I think you should just get the fuck out of here. That's the thing. He's like, I called your mom. You gotta get the fuck out. And he's like, I just want to fall asleep in front of the TV again. I miss ESPN. I just miss it. And she's like, no, it's cool. I'm fine. This is my home now. I love Forks. I'm not leaving. And he's like, awesome. Can we also point out that like in the middle of like his daughter, like screaming in the middle of the night and just being a general walking coma person, he's also dealing with

[1:24:12] tax. Yeah. And like whatever else is on his police docket. Yeah. Like people are getting too much. Hikers are getting eaten too much. So he's like weird prints in the woods. Yeah. And so she's like, don't worry about it. She's like, I'm going, I'm going to go shopping with Jessica. I'm going to have a girl tonight. And he's like, [1:24:28] okay like he's like shopping he literally is like buy lots of shit yeah bye and so she calls jessica and i love it because she's like hey jessica [1:24:37] It's Bella. [1:24:39] Yeah. [1:24:39] Bella Swan. And when I was first watching, I was like, what? And then I'm like, oh, I hope Jessica was being a complete. Bella, Bella, who? I don't know, Bella. And Bella's like being such a dick that she's like. [1:24:51] Bella Swan. You don't remember me? Like she's that in her own like it's me. Bella, I'm in here. Come on. But this is a classic. Bella is not like the other girls. Like she likes combat movies. She doesn't like shopping. She doesn't like this. She's like, oh, OK, we get it. Jessica, however, is hilarious. I love her. And I think she's a girl's girl personally. [1:25:16] Remember, last movie, when Mike asked her to the dance, she asked Bella if it was okay. When? [1:25:23] she's no Mike since she was in preschool and Bella just showed up four minutes ago and she's asking Bella, [1:25:28] for permission, even though Bella has no interest in him, but she's like, is it weird? I don't know. Yeah, you know what? That's girl's girl behavior. And to even, honestly, like... [1:25:36] to even go out with bella when she's been been such a dick like we only get to see her in the cafeteria imagine that bitch in class exactly and she's like when she has to look at slides it must be next level i'm saying she goes through a whole thing about because they saw a zombie movie and she's like and jessica's take on it she's like it says leprosy is not a joke yeah she's like i i have a cousin who has leprosy it's not funny it's not funny then she's like is it supposed to be consumerism because like whatever like and she goes through this whole thing like are you so

[1:26:06] Like you're so pleased with your own self-referential shit. And I was like, Jessica's got it. She gets it. She's on it. She gets it. She would be fun to hang out with. She would. Let's talk about zombie movies. Let's go. But as she's talking about this, she's like, and you know, like your depressing thing, like I get it. But like. [1:26:23] She goes, I have stuff going on, too. And she starts saying Mike said he just wants to be friends, which is hard. This she's also going through a breakup. This is the point of the conversation when you hear her start to say Mike said he just wants to be friends. That Bella checks out, literally checks out. You only hear Jessica say that fading out. But you can see that she's still talking. Oh, yeah. She's saying it. [1:26:49] She's like, and she's still talking about it as Bella is looking at these bikers over there. [1:26:54] As soon as this conversation... [1:26:57] went away from something Bella about Bella or what she's interested in. She went, she didn't give a shit about Jessica's problem. She didn't want to hear Jessica being like, Hey, Mike said he just wants to be friends and I'm bummed about it. Yeah. And like, can I talk? No, only going through a breakup right now is going through. Problem is bigger. Bella has narcissistic tendencies up the wazoo. I told you she's baby girl. She's baby girl. So baby girl here. And that was so egregious. I was like, are you kidding me? [1:27:27] problems. It happens again, too. [1:27:30] The way I would assume in this moment that Bella has just fucking lost it. Cause she has the way she walks towards these bikers and Jessica's literally like, are you going like what's going on? She just abandons Jessica in a seedy part of town, in a seedy part of town, leaves her by herself, gets on this. She walks up to this biker who like,

[1:27:50] Wait, she actually, first she starts walking up and then she stops and she's like, oh, I thought I knew that. Turns around. Turns around. [1:27:56] Walks back. Stops. [1:27:58] Walks around again. I'm like, what are you doing? I feel like those bikers would be like, no, thank you. Yeah, I feel it. I feel like something's going on here. You're more cuckoo than I. You're having a moment. Yeah. But she walks up to this one. He's like, hey, girl, I'm surprised. He wasn't like, are you the feds? He literally bites the way he bites. He literally is like, what's up? Like, it's not for me. It's not for me. I was like, I was like, good for you for giving it a shot. It's not for me. The lip bite kills me. He's literally like, [1:28:28] We... [1:28:29] Ew. Stop. Stop. Stop. She keeps doing it. Want to get on the bike? No, I don't. And I was like, no. And they're not wearing helmets. This is also not in the book. [1:28:37] No. So in the book, she doesn't go as she sees them, but she doesn't go with them because Edward. [1:28:43] tells her to stop she leaves with jessica right like right away right like doesn't go on the bike ride so that was that would have been boring um so she goes on that bike ride she's like well what a rush and jessica's like when she says they're gonna be more of a fucking pain in the ass and that's when she saw edward because edward was like hey stop turn around and she's like no yeah now she now is excited about this because she's like oh i can see edward [1:29:07] When I do dumb shit, I can put myself in life threatening situations and then I will hallucinate my boyfriend who left me in the middle of the woods. Also, again, such a wild thing for young kids, like young girls, especially to be reading or witnessing. Yeah.

[1:29:26] It's her doing the dumbest shit. Because, again, it's not quite clear whether she's really seeing or hearing Edward or not. They should have spiced this up a little more and made it YA. Because this being YA is dangerous as fuck. It is. I'm now going to be reading it. Like, when I have children, I will be reading every book that they read. Yeah, just to make sure. Because the themes are just like... [1:29:47] Yeah, the themes are not good. Like, it explains so much about who I used to be. Oh, yeah. I mean, it's definitely. And again, we're looking at it from like an adult perspective. Kids, young people would eat this up like we did. Like we did. So she finds these two like scrap bikes and she brings them to Jacob to fix for free so she can see her boyfriend again. [1:30:06] like really take that one in she also jacob who is like very clearly infatuated with her from the moment he lays eyes on her again she brings him junk and says can you fix these bikes for me for free [1:30:21] And she's doing this so that she can see her boyfriend who abandoned her in the woods again. Yep. She also, I don't know if this is in the straight up movie or if it's the extended cut, but like some guy stops by with those bikes beforehand, like before throwing them out. And Charlie's like, what are you doing? Oh, yeah. And Charlie's like, she knows how Charlie feels about this, too. Like, he doesn't want people on motorcycles. And she's like, I'm going to get on a motorcycle and I'm going to make Jake fix it for me. I'm going to make Charlie worry about me. [1:30:51] I don't give a fuck about Jessica and I'm abandoning all my other friends except for Jake. It's all about Bella. And the only reason I'm friends with Jake is because he can offer me this service. Exactly.

[1:31:01] And like make me feel good every now and again. And me being in his presence makes him feel like there's a chance. So if I can do that, I can get what I want out of it. And I get a little boost. I'm like, damn. Yeah, you fucking asshole. This is the moment, though, where we say, Bella, where the hell have you been, loca? Which is a fucking wild life. Masterpiece is what you meant. A wild life. It's not in the book. [1:31:26] This was specifically for the movie. I need to know who wrote that in. And I need to high five. Might have been Catherine Hardwick. I don't know. Or no, wasn't it a, wasn't it a different. Or no, this, yeah, this was another one. So you're right. Well, I would like to high five this then. Yeah, whoever did this. They start talking about like age again. It comes up again. Age is like a heavy ass theme. And he says something like. Oh, this is when. He says, what are you like, 40 now? Which I was like, okay. That didn't even bother me. I was like, whatever. But then she goes, I feel like it. And I was like, what does it feel like, Bella? Because I feel fucking great. I feel better than you've ever felt. [1:31:56] You? Watching this movie? I'm like, you're 18 years old. You're in far dire streets than I am, bitch. I feel footloose and fancy free compared to you. You said I'm doing my Metacube masks and what do you know about it? I feel better than you, Bella. I listen to soft jazz in the morning. What do you do? On an old tiny radio, you fucking twat. What do you do? What do you mean you feel 40? Doesn't sound like it. I'll kill you. You sound like a whiny little 18 year old is what you sound like. Pow, right in the kisser. [1:32:25] And then she's sitting there with him while he's fixing the bike and she turns off the radio and she's like, I don't really like music anymore. Pick me. Pick me. Shut the fuck up. Pick me. Shut the fuck up. That kind of shit. I'm like, stop it. Yeah. It's also a good song. I think that's like when it's like, you don't like music anymore. Too bad. You're in his garage and he's fixing your shit for you. So if he wants to listen to music.

[1:32:49] Sorry, baby. Yeah. Like, it's not your place. That's your bike's on your own. [1:32:53] You don't have to listen. You can live in a blobby world with no music on your own turn. And a grip. You were sitting in that chair listening to Licky Lee for months. Exactly. For months. Months, Bella. And then later, I love it because she comes home and Charlie's like, hey, he's not coming back. [1:33:10] Edward. So he's literally like, I don't know, maybe settle for Jacob. Like that's essentially what he said. He says you got to love what's good for you sometimes. [1:33:20] So he's literally like, I don't know, try to like him. I'm like, whoa. We are setting up really, really bad shit here. Yeah. [1:33:31] When they're driving at one point, Jake and Bella, they see Sam and like a few of the other tribe members. Yeah. And they were like Jake's friends. But now they're not. But now they're all of a sudden super buff, shirtless. And only hanging out with Sam. And he calls Sam like a cult leader. Yep. And he's like, yeah. And you can tell like it annoys Jake. Yeah. I don't know because he doesn't know what it's about yet. But Sam is actually the alpha. So that's what's happening here. And Jake's a late bloomer. He is a late bloomer. [1:34:01] And why don't I talk about, like, kind of the lore with this now? [1:34:06] They are shapeshifters. They can phase by choice. But they, in order to be a Quillute tribe member in this movie that phases, like transforms, you have to be able to trace a direct bloodline to the original shapeshifter. Okay. Not all of them can shapeshift. Makes sense. A lot of them are men. There's only one woman who is shapeshifted. That's Leah Clearwater. We'll get to her. You'll get a lot more of her in the third book, I believe.

[1:34:32] Yeah, if not, the next one. Yeah. [1:34:36] I actually don't know if she's in Eclipse or if she doesn't come until Breaking Dawn. I thought she was. I don't remember. I can't remember. Yeah. But apparently, and I thought this was interesting, there's a window of time where the transformation can happen. Okay. If you're going to transform. And, like, it's this small window of time when, like, puberty essentially happens. And you will only transform if you are in proximity to a vampire. Yeah. [1:35:02] Yeah. Like your first transformation will not happen at all. If you never come in contact with a vampire. That is actually very interesting to me. Like I think that's. [1:35:11] Cool. It is. It's interesting. So if you don't sniff around a vampire at any point in that transformation window, you will never phase. You won't know that you had that. [1:35:21] So I wonder if that's part of the reason why... [1:35:24] Jacob hates [1:35:25] Edward so much. Because he knows it's like partially his fault. Yeah. You know what I mean? Because the reason that like all of a sudden there was this huge like outburst of people transferring is because the Cullens came, which became a proximity thing. And now all these kids are suddenly popping up and phasing because they're in proximity. And now all their window of transformation has happened all at once. So it's like they're all popping up. It's kind of funny. Which is interesting. So... [1:35:54] Werewolves are super fast, crazy fast, can outrun a car, all that shit. Not a vampire. Not a vampire, though. Is there... [1:36:02] fast. Because they're fast. Their eyesight is ten times sharper than a human's eyesight. To them,

[1:36:12] vampires look like a walking crystal. [1:36:15] essentially. [1:36:17] That's kind of cool. They look like angle-y. [1:36:19] and weird. [1:36:21] Yeah. Always or just after they become a werewolf? I'm not really sure. What if like when Jacob first met Edward, he was like, he was like a angular bitch. He looks like a Picasso, like an early Picasso, but just sparkly. That's what I picture. Like long head. It's like a walking Picasso painting with like all the features in different ways and like super angled and yeah, I'm picturing like, um, Gumpy. [1:36:44] but like sharp. [1:36:46] Gumpy? [1:36:48] This guy... [1:36:49] I think he was always a pen. He was always a pen. Gumby. Right. That's going on. What's happened. Gumby. Oh, Gumby. When you said he was always a pen. Yeah. [1:37:01] There was pens of him. Oh, okay. You know what I'm saying? I was thinking Gumby when you brought him up, but then you said the pen thing and it threw me off. You never saw a Gumby pen? No, I don't think I have. You were like, he was always a pen. I was like, he was not a pen. Maybe he wasn't. I don't think he wasn't. Maybe I just feel. I'm sure somebody has a Gumby pen. Yeah, for sure. Maybe not, because I'm looking at Google images right now and there's not a one. And you literally said he was always a pen. That's why I was like, oh, that's not Gumby. [1:37:31] what uh so so the pack the quill you like werewolves pack yes yes they share group mind so they can hear each other's thoughts okay uh which becomes a real problem for leah being the only woman in the pack later oh doll we will get there don't worry when we get to her situation you will feel justice for leah yeah they also like you had they have to obey the alpha they don't have a

[1:38:01] phase happens, their aging will speed up until they reach the age of 25 and then they stop aging. Obsessed. Yeah. So they'll get like, they'll quickly get older, but stay at 25. So that would be a problem even if she was with Jake. And there's nothing he could even do about it. Yeah, because he'll stop aging. [1:38:21] Wow. Yeah. [1:38:23] That's interesting. I don't remember. I didn't even remember that. [1:38:26] Yeah, and we'll get, they do mention imprinting in New Moon obviously becomes a problem later. What it is, is apparently being unconditionally tied to a member of the opposite sex. [1:38:38] Always the opposite sex. Homophobic. So you cannot. That's literally homophobic. That really is. Because it's straight up homophobia. It typically says the opposite sex. [1:38:50] And apparently once you see the object of the imprinting that you don't know that's going to happen, but once you come upon the person you're going to imprint on, you will do anything to please and protect that person. Upsetting. All other commitments in his life, like the werewolf's life. [1:39:08] are secondary. [1:39:10] Even commitment to the pack. Everything becomes secondary to that person. Interesting. The werewolf will completely transform everything about themselves to become what that person needs or wants. So they will abandon any individuality or any preferences or any choice. [1:39:28] To become whatever that person wants. That's wicked healthy. I'm like, that's wicked healthy. I'm like, bitch, you have created the most fucked up relationship. Like, toxic as all hell. They will give up everything just to be with that person. The power dynamic. They will also be forced into being...

[1:39:51] Like around everything that that person loves. So if they, they have to buy no choice of their own, like the people that that person likes, like what the, everything about it could get so crazy. Yeah. And it said, [1:40:03] According to the illustrated guide, if the human is young that they're imprinting on, the werewolf becomes the perfect platonic playmate and protector. [1:40:14] Putting platonic and playmate in the same sentence is diabolical. As the human ages and changes, the werewolf instinctively switches roles to fulfill the human's needs. Yeah. [1:40:27] So grooming. Yeah. Okay. So the whole Renesmee thing, when everybody's like, oh my God, it's not that big a deal. It's a big deal. She's what he's waiting. This motherfucker is waiting and wait. It's literally grooming until she becomes age appropriate. It's involuntary grooming meets her as an infant. [1:40:44] Can't wait for her to become age appropriate. That is so beyond fucked up. But can and will wait. Will wait. [1:40:53] Yeah. [1:40:55] Like, I just read a story to the girls the other night called It Came From the Sky. That's a great book. You need to read it. It's so fun. Okay. And it says in it. [1:41:05] Nobody is more patient than a spider. [1:41:08] And I beg to differ. [1:41:11] I didn't know when you said I read a book to the girls the other night what journey you were going to take me on. Nobody's more patient than a werewolf who is imprinted. [1:41:19] Yeah.

[1:41:21] Just saying. [1:41:23] uh my brain right now is like yeah it's like you know when you shake up one of those bottles and you make a tornado that's my brain right now yeah i just wrote what what why would you volunteer like i'm sorry yeah stuff no i'm not like trying to fight you or anything like i'm not trying to come at you bro but like why would you voluntarily tell us this and like make this make this lore [1:41:53] too. It's like voluntarily telling us that Jasper's a Confederate soldier. Like, we don't need it. I don't need any of this. I don't need it. [1:42:10] you [1:42:12] Getting scared is one thing. Getting a thrill is, well, you want more of those in your life. The Genesis GV70 is built to thrill, baby. A thrilling yet elegant design always makes driving the GV70 an exciting adventure. Its powerful athletic stance screams performance and turns heads. Everybody's looking at you, girl or boy or whoever. Command the road and experience a [1:42:42] modes for all different terrains. Choose between the different terrain modes for whatever road conditions you may encounter. The Genesis GV70's award-winning technology and performance lets you drive with comfort and drive with confidence all at the same time. It's an exciting SUV with intuitive tech that can make your ride smooth even when the road isn't. And its blind spot cameras allow you to see what's next to you. It's like having eyes on the side of your head. That's

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[1:44:43] this sooner. Download Earning on the App Store or Google Play, spelled like earning money without the G. [1:44:49] Type in Morbid under podcast when you sign up. It'll really help the show. [1:44:52] Earning is a financial technology company, not a bank. Access limits are based on your earnings and risk factors. Standard cash outs take one to two business days with no mandatory fees. Expedited transfer is available for a fee. Tips are voluntary and don't affect the service. Available in select states. Terms and restrictions apply. Visit Earning.com for full details. [1:45:11] but yeah so that's that all right quileutes and the vampires or the cohen's excuse me specifically have a treaty [1:45:23] That happened a long time ago. Okay. That was, like, I think it was, like, Jacob's, like, great-great-grandfather who started this whole, like, it's one of his... [1:45:30] family descendants or ascendance. They did this. Yeah. They did this treaty with Carlisle because Carlisle's a billion years old. And so their whole treaty was that they were going to leave each other alone. Yeah. [1:45:42] Oh, I remember what we saw in the first movie, the little flashback. The Cullens had to promise not to hurt humans and hunt them, and they had to promise to stay off of Quileute land. How weird is that, that Edward met Jacob's great-great-grandfather? I know, isn't that crazy? Yes. [1:46:00] That's why he's like [1:46:01] Boy, little bitch. Boy. Little bitch. Get out of here. Hey, son. But, like, Jacob is of the generation that Bella is. Yeah, yeah. [1:46:11] So technically, yeah, it goes too far. You can't think on it too much. It'll break your brain. Yeah, you can't marinate in that too much or it's going to get rotten. How many generations older is Edward than Bella? Wow. Who can be sure? Probably somebody. Somebody on an online form. I'm sure. But at some point, Bella jumps on one of those bikes that she made recently.

[1:46:33] Jacob fix for her oh doesn't she get like thrown into a rock she does and when she begins to the to start the bike Edward appears and puts his hand on her hand in vision form and he just goes [1:46:44] stop and the ways he's like i feel like that's silly uh but she crashes and he jacob comes to her rescue also she crashes and she gets internal bleeding and i will not be told otherwise she flies against that rock yeah like [1:47:04] A rag doll. Really, really hard. And she sits up and says, I want to go again. But her mouth says something different. Yes. I can't tell what it was. And then she looks up at Jacob and says, you're sort of beautiful. And I need to stand in honesty right now. That's a killer line. [1:47:21] Yeah. A killer line to say to somebody. I was unaware of Bella's potential to have a game. Because that was like a real... You're sort of beautiful. [1:47:30] Because, like, he is. It's a killer line and also somewhat of a read because she could just look up at him and be like, you're beautiful. But I think she was literally just being like, holy shit, like, I'm looking at you right now. [1:47:41] this close for the first time like she's i think that was supposed that's part of the game is you're being a little like a little coy and being like you're sort of beautiful this sort of would take me out i'd be like oh back in the day wow a memory just infiltrated my brain back in the day it used to be this thing on facebook where it'd be like like and i'll rate you and like say a fact about you and [1:48:02] People would like each other's statuses. And then on your Facebook page, they would rate you from one to ten. So it's kind of like being called an eight when somebody calls you sort of beautiful.

[1:48:12] That's how Facebook began is Mark Zuckerberg thinking he had any fucking ground to stand on to rate another human being. Can you imagine? Looking from his fucking goblin ass point of view. He did that voluntarily. Yeah. You're sort of beautiful. I think it's the way she's not saying it like you're sort of beautiful. No, I know. That's not how that's coming out. Somebody looking deep into you, I mean, like you're sort of beautiful. It would be like at that age, you'd be like, wow. Well, and also like he loves her so much. [1:48:42] Excuse me? Also, Jacob is sort of beautiful. Like, that's just, that's like... [1:48:47] I was like, damn, that really hit, girl. Yeah. Yeah. [1:48:50] You were like, dang, Bella, where the hell you been, Loca? I did. I said, where the hell you been, Loca? Where did that come from? But the whole thing is like people have been seeing bears in the area. We were talking about it earlier. Yeah, but like, you know, Charlie's been trying to figure out who it is. Hikers are getting attacked. What they think are bears. Hikers have died, like a few of them. They're actually werewolves that they're seeing, but it's something else that's killing people and hurting people. Yes. But people are seeing the werewolves and thinking they have something to do with it. Yeah. Yeah. [1:49:19] Rachel Lefebvre, I think it is. Gorge. Unreal. She was iconic in this role. I'm sorry. Bryce Dallas Howard is great. She's a great actress. [1:49:29] And she's beautiful. Rachel ate this roll up. [1:49:32] She's scary. She is. Genuinely scary in this one. She's got this, like, look in her eye. Oh, she's so good. That Bryce Dallas Howard just doesn't, like, deliver the same. And we're going to get to my favorite scene in the entire movie in a minute. But Bella, like, so I think, like, her friends at lunch are talking about this, and Angela thinks she saw one of the bears. Bella finally joins them at lunch again, just walks over out of nowhere and sits with them, and they're all like, what the fuck?

[1:50:02] people because they're just like okay like sit down crazy bitch that's okay crazy bitch just sit down they're just like all right here you are again and mike takes this as an opportunity to ask her out which isn't jessica like right there yeah [1:50:19] That's why I'm like, Mike, shut up. Yeah, it's not very nice. The way he says this, I actually took a recording of it. No, you didn't. Because this would make me... [1:50:29] fly into orbit. Oh gosh. So this is what he says when she... [1:50:35] walks back to the thing. [1:50:39] All right. That's, well, welcome. Um, so listen, you know, now that, you know, you're talking and, uh, [1:50:46] Thank you. [1:50:47] eating again, which, you know, kind of, you did. [1:50:51] 18 and 0. [1:50:52] When he says, gotta get that protein in there, like, pokes her... [1:50:57] I would say... [1:51:00] respectfully he essentially he essentially just spoon-fed choo-chooed you [1:51:07] He essentially just had to open it up. Choo-choo. I said, oh, you're about to ask her out after that. I would crawl under the lunch table and never emerge. I was watching it. I said, oh, Mike, no. [1:51:26] You said that so carefully. Oh, Mike, no. Eric should have literally said that. Oh, Mike, no. Oh, Mike, no. It's the way his voice, like, yuck. That's how you talk to a little kid. They're like, get that protein. And she's just like, okay, okay. And she agrees to come with him. And he's like, you want to go to a movie? And there's a romantic comedy that we could see. And I love it because she literally goes,

[1:51:55] She goes, um... [1:51:56] Do you know like face punch? [1:51:59] It's called Face Punch. And she's like, I would love to see Face Punch. And she's like, everyone, do you want to see Face Punch with us? Face Punch, want to? And they're all like, Punch Face, let's go. And I was like, poor Mike. But I was like, you cooked your own fucking chicken there. You cooked your own protein. You cooked your own protein there. With your, get that protein in there. Oh, God, kill me. Luckily for him, almost, is that everybody gets sick and can't go. Jessica just bails, which also I was like, yeah, no shit. [1:52:29] we go to the scene Jessica goes movie night with Bella she's like I could think of 70 things I'd rather do correct reaction Jessica because you know she's like are you fucking kidding me yeah you've abandoned me in the streets yeah and they were dating again for a couple months like that's she likes Mike she just watched Mike ask Bella out yeah and she's like yeah no I don't want to [1:52:59] I love her. But everybody's sick. Nobody can come. And so it's just Jacob and Mike. And Jacob is trying. Of course it's just Jacob and Mike. Of course it is. Because all of the boys, something about Bella's milkshake brings them to the yard. Brings them all to the yard. And they're like, it's better than yours. Yeah. And Jessica's like, no, it's not. She's like, no, it's actually putrid and rancid. Yeah. Jacob's trying to be nice in this scene at first, to be honest. Doesn't end up

[1:53:29] I can't with the hands. Oh my god, I went on a date with a guy that did that once and I literally wanted to like stab my eyes out. You know, John tells a funny story. [1:53:38] I don't remember this, but maybe it wasn't traumatizing for me. It was traumatizing for him. So maybe that's why it's burning. We went one of our first dates. We went to a movie theater where you could bring the armrest up. [1:53:51] he lifted the armrest up. I slammed it back down. [1:53:57] what why did you do that i don't remember doing it i think it was just like he said no i said absolutely don't touch me i'm cyril what the fuck and he will tell you to this day that he remembers it [1:54:13] vividly of course he does he was like i don't remember it holy shit it turned out all right four of my things yeah three kids in a marriage later okay damn bitch like i'm like damn like 20 years later that's reckless he still will be like i remember that i felt that thing that's reckless i don't know i must have been instinctually i was just like no man something crazy runs in our family because before me and drew's first kiss i literally said fuck you wow yeah so damn see i [1:54:43] relationship so i think i was like don't touch me get away that's so sad slammed it right back down i can literally picture john in that moment just being like he was just like oh like just laser eye focus down at the floor like he took it very well apparently because i didn't even know it happened well you know why like you said it worked it worked out um that's so reckless but also mike uh really reads uh jacob for filth when he says are you even old enough to see this movie

[1:55:13] Jacob's response is not, yes, I am. It's Bella bought my ticket. Ew. And I said, this got weird. Yeah. This got weird fast. Yeah. And I'd like to be let out. I would like to go. Let me out on this corner. I want to be out. Bye. Yeah, the hands up thing is so weird. Upsetting. [1:55:32] This is when Mike gets sick. He gets the flu that everybody has, which I don't think anybody was appropriately stressed out about that, to be honest. When you're that age. As soon as somebody is like, I think I have the neurovirus, I'm like, well, I guess this is curtains for me. Actually, please don't even say that in front of me. No. And they have a whole discussion, Jacob and Bella, while Mike's puking in the bathroom. And he says, I'm not going to give up. [1:55:55] And her response is, I don't want you to, but it's because I don't want you to go anywhere. And that's selfish. And I was like, there are things that are called inside. And those are things that you shouldn't say out loud because they're going to make you feel better to get them out. They're going to hurt the person you say them to, which is very selfish. When it's like, I don't even know that Jacob is like astute enough in this moment to be hurt by that. I think he stopped listening at. I don't want you to. Yeah. You know, like that. And that's like you're leading him on. [1:56:25] Yeah. It's fucked up. And it's just fucked up to say to someone, like... [1:56:29] I don't want you to stop obsessing over me, but it's only because I don't want you to go anywhere. [1:56:33] What the fuck? You don't have to be that honest, babe. No, you don't. That's not helping anybody. And we end up like she tries to talk to Jake some more like after this first. Oh, first of all.

[1:56:45] Mike comes out of the bathroom looking gray as hell. And he is sweating and he's sweating. He looks so sick. And he's like, [1:56:53] I have to go. So I have to go home. That's all he says. And Jacob looks at him like he's going to fucking kill him. Jacob says, you rank ass, bitch ass, motherfucking asshole. Literally. He's like, do you have a problem? And Jake's like, yeah, you're my problem. And then he says like something about like, maybe you need a hospital and maybe I need to put you there. And he's like, what the fuck? And so Bella's like, calm down. You're fucking hot and not like hot, like, oh, you're spicy. It's like, no, you're literally hot. Like you have a fever. [1:57:23] Thank you. [1:57:23] And I love it because he walks away and Mike goes... [1:57:25] He's weird. [1:57:27] And I'd be like, get away from me, influenza. [1:57:31] Get away from me, influenza. [1:57:35] You were just talking about inside thoughts. I think that was one of them. That was, but honestly, I don't have those. Get away from me, influenza. I'm preaching it, but I don't actually practice it. As I say, not as I do. Yeah. And this would seem, I think they should have done it. [1:57:55] transitioning. So the change, the change is happening. He's getting his man fees right now. His werewolfies right now. And so it's supposed to be he's like uncontrollably getting angry and he's hot and all that stuff. But I think they should have at least given Mike like some bit of antagonizing there, like said something that would not normally set someone off, but sets him off like that. Yeah. Because it comes out of nowhere to such a degree that while you're watching it, you're like,

[1:58:24] Why did he do that? Why did he get so mad? Because when you're watching this for the first time or reading it, you don't know the background yet. Right. So you don't know what that's all about. So you're just sitting there being like, is he? Why did he just get so mad? So I think it just kind of had a little bit of more... [1:58:39] Even the smallest bit of something that could... [1:58:43] even be taken for, like, innocuous. Yeah. But it's like, has the tinge of antagonizing. But that's just me being a dick. No, I got that. So... [1:58:53] We see that, like, Bella tries to get a hold of Jacob a bunch, can't get a hold of him. They're claiming he has mono, all that shit. He's staying away. It's a long time. And then she shows up in the fucking pouring rain, and he is just jorts. Just cut off jorts. Jorts. A tattoo. He's in a short jorts. He's cut his hair, thank God. Yeah. Yeah, he cut his hair. He took the wig off. Got a tattoo. He's got a tattoo. That moves, by the way. Yeah, they go through a whole... [1:59:21] thing with you know and he's saying he can't tell her what's going on and blah blah blah and then he goes i used to be tell you a good kid yeah [1:59:30] And I said, stop. He said, okay. [1:59:33] And he's like, yeah, I can't tell you what's going on. And he just runs off in the rain with his other shirtless jorts crew. Jorts squad. The jorts squad. I'm trying to think of another J. And just a jumble of jorts. Yes. Just off of the jorts jumble. Yeah, the jumble of jorts off on the little periphery. To have a jorts jamboree. So we see her go up to the meadow again, where they used to, like, lay together.

[1:59:58] Can you please explain what happens there? I need you guys. She has a vision. Like she remembers them laying in the middle. I need you guys to watch this scene. Even if you don't watch the whole movie again, watch this scene. Because as they're like panning over Edward and Bella laying down, Bella doesn't have a foot. It's gone. And everybody, like I saw a couple of people on Reddit being like, no, it's just like, like her boot cut jeans. Nope. Nope. Because you can see her other foot. Yeah. Her foot is missing. Her foot is gone. It is. It's gone. [2:00:28] that's supposed to tell you it's a memory, but [2:00:31] It's a dream and it's weird. If it makes you feel better to believe that her bootcut jeans consumed her foot than you believe that. But you're wrong. They didn't. You're wrong. They just digitally took her foot out by accident and put it back in. It's pretty funny. [2:00:44] But when she goes up to this meadow, it's no longer that lush meadow. It's all like burned and dead. And Laurent shows up. [2:00:52] And he's hungry. And he looks great. He does. Laurent's gorgeous, as far as I'm concerned. Abs for days. It is. And just, he's beautiful. He's getting his protein in there. He is. Protein in there. You're going to be innocent. You're getting your protein in there. A lot of iron. And he tells her that basically Victoria is eye for an eye in her. Edward killed her mate, so she needs to kill Edward's mate. And that's you, buddy. And then he's like, good luck. He's like, I went to the Cullen's house, didn't see him there. Did they visit often? [2:01:22] or like weird that they left you here and edward shows up to tell her like lie at one point he says threaten him and i was like that's i would have been like time out what do i say what threat you have to be specific to me you need to because i said earlier i was like my immediate thought for a threat would be like i'll spit in your eye i'll kick you in the shin and that's not gonna help anybody so like you need to tell me what threat you want me to use but she apparently knows i don't even know what you would say

[2:01:47] I think she says, like, Edward will never let that happen. He'll come back for me. But that's not confusing. Because he's like, yeah, he's like, I don't think so. You wouldn't have left you in the first place. Yeah, he's like, pretty shitty that he left you here. And I'm like, yeah, it is pretty shitty, huh? I'd be like, you know what? Why don't we sit down and actually we can talk about it? Because there's a lot of lore to this. She's like, I would actually love to talk about this. There was a search party, Lorana. I don't know if you know this, but I sat in a chair for four months. Yeah. Do you know Licky Lee? Licky Lee, whatever. Possibility, all right. Do you know that there's a possibility? [2:02:16] I missed four months of school. Did you know? It's a possibility. Trigger treaters were in my side yard. Well, then he's like, you know what? I'm really hungry, though. Victoria's probably going to be annoyed at me for eating you, but I think I'm going to... And it'll be better. And it's going to be fun. Like, I'll make it painless. And she literally stands there and is going to allow him to. And she's like, I love you, Edward. And I was like, oh, fucking A. She wants that to be her last words. I said, really? Yeah. He left you. He left you. In the woods. Yeah. Alone. Come on. Grow up. But... [2:02:44] There's a wolf there. I think it's Sam at first. Yeah, he like leads the pack. Yeah, and then Jacob's there. I think, yeah. They're all there, I think. Yeah. But they all attack Laurent in a... [2:02:55] that's a that's a series wrap all around yeah so she goes and tells charlie and harry and they go out hunting but this is a big deal because when she tells uh charlie and harry the first time i was gonna like morph their names together there's no phone on the wall in the cupboards where there is a phone later oops so like maybe they got a landline within this time frame really quickly but just so you know that yeah you just never know but she she does she goes back down

[2:03:25] At Jake's house at one point. And that's when she. Discovers that he's a werewolf. Like they show her. Because I think she like aggravates. Is it Embry? [2:03:35] Or one of the... Yeah, she had the other one of them. I forget why she goes there in the first... Oh, I think... [2:03:40] She tries to call him or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Something happens where she ends up being like, she pisses one of them off and they phase. Yeah. And she runs away from him. And when she's running, Jake runs out of the house and she's like, run, Jake, run, Jake, run. It's the way she says it is so funny. She says it like his name is Jake Run. And they, you know, they fight all that. And then they're walking on the beach and he's explaining things to her. Again. We missed a part. [2:04:10] like Laurent situation. He like shows up because remember he parkours up to her. Oh my God. We were saying it would have been so funny if he just went parkour, parkour, parkour. If you've seen the office episode where they all parkour and they just keep yelling parkour while hitting things. That's what I think of. And in this exchange between the two of them, he's saying, I can't tell you, but like, think, because I have, and he says, think about when we were walking on the beach, when you came to La Push. And she was like, [2:04:37] And he was like, do you remember what I told you? And she goes, about the cold ones. And he goes, I guess I understand why that's the only part you remember. And I said, you narcissistic motherfucker. He told you about wolves. You only heard the part that had anything to do with you or something you were interested in. That's the only reason. When he told you the lore of his people whose land you are currently standing on at La Push, you checked out? What the fuck? She really is so narcissistic. She's got narcissistic tendencies.

[2:05:07] she just does not hear if it has to do with anyone else's shit she doesn't care she does not give a shit doesn't care also um this is when he like looks at her scar and it has moved it has because in the first movie it's like on the side of her arm so it's like on the top and the bottom but here it's just on like like on the underside yeah [2:05:26] And also I'm like, [2:05:28] You don't get questions about that more often? That's what I'm wondering. Like, that's the only person who flips your arm around? It's a big bite scar. It looks like my whole night guard imprinted on my arm. It's huge. Like, it's massive. It is huge. So... [2:05:43] It's after this discussion in Bella's bedroom where she's like, oh, yeah, I remember stuff that that appealed to me, but I completely ignored the lore of your people. Yeah. Yeah. [2:05:57] and that's I love when Jacob's like all right I'm gonna go he's like you know what fuck I'm gonna parkour the fuck out of here yeah he goes parkour and he leaves so then that's when we get the scene of her you know showing up and that's when she like [2:06:11] sees that they are werewolves because in the room he's like i wish i could tell you i literally can't i wish you knew how tightly i'm bound to this and that's when he says like i did say it a little bit on the bush yeah like just saying the beach and she's like yeah i didn't hear that on the bush on the bush i was thinking la push and beach at the same time i got that but uh this is when she sees it because she slaps one of them yeah which is rude which is like very violent and yeah you can't

[2:06:41] But she slapped him and he got real mad because he's a wolf now. And so he was like, and then he turns into a wolf. Yeah. And that's when she does the whole, run, Jake, run, Jake, run, Jake, run. It's the way she said, I'm telling you, listen to it again. It'll hit you different. No, it's funny. What are the fucking odds that your first boyfriend in high school, like to our knowledge, is a vampire? Yeah. And then the next boy that you hang out with is a werewolf. What are the fucking odds? [2:07:11] How does someone hit the jackpot like that is what I want to know. I just got a dumb human. Do I? Wow. [2:07:18] I know. Yeah. I just got a human. You just called them out. I mean, like dumb as in like humans are dumb. He was pretty dumb. He was not great either. I was like, I know your first high school boyfriend. He was pretty dumb. Mine too. Mine too. I think most of us were. Yeah. I don't even know where I was going with that. I just like, what are the odds? Yeah, that's the thing. I, my daughters all like, they can't watch Twilight yet. And they never talked about it, but we will for a cautionary tale [2:07:48] We joke about it, but it's like it's a rite of passage. I feel like you got to but you just got to preface it with like, this is wild. This is toxic. But for the fun, like romance and vampire and werewolf of it all. [2:08:00] But I was discussing it with John last night. I was mentioning something about New Moon. And the girls were like, what is that? And I was like, oh, remember I like, because I've told them like, oh, there's this movie Twilight. It's a book. Someday you'll read it. It's in the zeitgeist. It's there. And so they were like, oh, like, when can we watch that? And I was like, not for a while.

[2:08:20] But I was like, oh, there's this really cool scene with Victoria and the werewolf. And I was talking about the one that's coming up. And it's like when Hearing Damage by Tom York is playing. It's such a good scene. And they wanted, they were like, can we watch that scene? And I was like, so I watched the scene. I was like, give me a second. It's not scary, really. No, it's not scary at all. But I was like, this is a cool scene. So I showed it to them. And all three of them were like, when can we watch them? And I was like, I know. I just gave you like. And I was like, the whole movie isn't like that. But it does have these vibes. Honestly, I think you said it when we were watching it. Yeah. [2:08:50] That's the best scene in the entire movie. And it's coming up because... It's coming up. It's coming up because right before that happens, she finds out that Jake's a werewolf. He changes in front of her. She's like, holy shit. He's like this beautiful amber-colored werewolf. Amber is the color of his werewolf coat. Exactly. And she sings that. Yeah, she does. You missed that part. It's only in the director's cut. And it's so quick, you'll miss it. You have to pause between the different film slides to get it. It's actually not even in the director's cut. [2:09:20] It's only in special exclusive cuts that only a few, few people. Yeah. It's only in the cut that I have. [2:09:25] Well, I have it too, actually. No, only I do. Well, I knew about it first. But they go for a walk to discuss his werewolf-ness. And... [2:09:37] Bella says to him... [2:09:40] Can't you find a way to just stop? And then she says, it's wrong. Yeah. I'm sorry. [2:09:48] this should be the moment where jake goes you know what not worth it not worth it because what the fuck is let me get this straight and he literally says he's like oh i'm not the right kind of monster for you you jackass it's that is like that is such a grade a jackass moment it is like okay no not for nothing baby baby but edward was a fucking human who got bit by a vampire and

[2:10:18] to be a vampire. He had... [2:10:20] he apparently didn't have a choice because Carlisle was saving him and like kind of took that choice away from him. Right. But like, [2:10:26] it's not in his genetic code to be a vampire. It's not through generations that he became one. Um, [2:10:33] The Quileute tribe, in this instance, the whole thing is you're directly tied to that bloodline. It's going to happen. You don't have a choice. It's happening. You come across a vampire, boom. Happening. And it's like to say to someone where this is literally in their blood. That's wrong. [2:10:50] and not a choice i'm like that's fucking that sounds homophobic as fuck it's racist like to sit there and be like it's actually it's speciesist she's saying it's a choice yeah no she is and then it's wrong she would she would love right now wrong she would love right now she would like i was like [2:11:06] That is the most fun. It's weird that they kept that in there because, like, she became... [2:11:11] diabolically unlikable in that moment yeah because poor jake is sitting there i can't do anything and he also this is brand new for him too like he's heard these legends but he didn't know that it was gonna happen to him exactly he's still getting used to it it's wrong and like one of the first people that ever gets to see this insane like [2:11:32] just wild thing about you. That's their reaction. You bitch. It's wrong. You bitch. Can't you just find a way to, is it, is it a phase? [2:11:42] no that's essentially what she's saying to him and i was like you bitch yeah it pissed me off so much i was like what that's the crazy thing you're in love with a vampire it's wrong she's and also like she barely asked edward any questions no he said he was a vampire and she was like let's run through those trees bitch not only that he literally said

[2:12:01] This is the skin of a killer, Bella. And she said, he has told her, I want to kill you. Yeah. [2:12:08] But I won't. But I... He's literally... I want to kill you at all times. ...told her... [2:12:12] I am, I am a killer. And she's like, it's okay, baby. And then Jacob's like, Hey, I'm a fluffy dog and I'm protecting people right now. And she's like, that's really wrong. Can't you stop? Gross. [2:12:22] And then she's like, they don't hurt anyone. [2:12:25] And I'm like, neither do we. And also they do hurt people. They made a choice to not hurt anyone. Yeah. But they didn't go through their entire lives doing that. Facts. Also, I'm sorry, babe. They haven't hurt anyone. Why don't you pull Jasper aside? [2:12:39] Once you pull Jasper aside, have him look you in the eye. Oh, wait, he can't. He'll eat you first. If you can get him aside. [2:12:46] Ask him. At least you can get a paper cut in front of Jake. [2:12:51] And he would probably help you out. What a fucked up. [2:12:55] I was like, Jacob, to still be into this after this conversation? I know. It's like wild. It's like the thing we tell kids that we should not tell them is like, oh, she's mean to you. She likes you. Because she likes you. Like, I feel like he thinks that. He does. That's not the case. No. [2:13:19] This episode is brought to you by SoFi, the all-in-one finance app where you can bank, borrow, and invest all in one place. [2:13:26] Let's talk about bank accounts for a second. The average bank savings rate is 0.39% in interest. You're earning pennies on your savings, and it doesn't have to be that way. But with SoFi's high-yield checkings and savings, the money barely making moves sitting in your savings account can earn over eight times the national average savings rate with eligible direct deposit. No account or overdraft fees. We love transparency. You can get your paycheck up to two days early,

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[2:17:07] Why does she jump in all of her clothing? Why does she? She jumps in with her Converse on. Yeah. [2:17:14] Why? [2:17:15] Why do that? [2:17:18] Why not? Why jump in with your little jacket? Why? Oh no, she took the jacket off. Did she take her jacket off? Did she take her Converse off or did she jump in Converse first? I don't think she did. I think she took her. She jumped in Converse. I can't. I can't. I don't. [2:17:32] I just don't get why, like, you watched Werewolves. [2:17:36] which are, [2:17:37] supernatural beings... [2:17:40] With supernatural healing abilities. Who run hot. Who run hot, jump off of that and survive. And you said, I probably can too. Yeah. [2:17:48] Yeah, it'll probably be the same for me. Well, and also, like, did she think that? Because you've been hallucinating. There's been a lot of stuff happening right now that I just don't think you're in your complete clear mind right now to be making smart decisions for yourself when you think you're seeing Edward whenever you do something dumb. Yep. [2:18:18] Have we mentioned the emails? I don't remember. I don't know if we've mentioned the emails. If we haven't, I'm sorry if we have. [2:18:35] crazy times of yeah like three in the morning two in the morning i paused yep i counted 13 when i counted and that was just in like a month or two and they're all being returned yeah so they're not even making it you know you know the mailer the mailer demon yeah yeah that guy demon or demon i always call it the demon it might be the demon i don't know whatever it is i'm like when that you don't continue to send no you don't make the demon daemon work overtime yeah yeah

[2:19:01] But so she writes her. It's insane. So she's she's in the middle of writing her an email. [2:19:07] Alice saying that [2:19:09] That this is what she has to do. She knows this is what she has to do. Yep. And we hear that voiceover and her getting ready to go to the cliff. And we also get this really cool. [2:19:20] like mashup of Victoria. [2:19:23] As Charlie and Harry Clearwater and all the guys are looking for this bear, quote unquote, which has now been told. [2:19:30] They've been told it's a wolf by Bella. Because when she sees it after it attacks Laurent, she lets them know. They're wolves. They're huge. It is not a bear. So they're in the woods searching for them. They have guns. They're doing the whole search party. And we see Victoria stalking them in the trees. She's so fucking cool in this. She is. Also, she somehow found hair dye to make that hair really red in this one. Super vibrant. Very vibrant. Love it. It's wonderful. But it's just funny that it changed between when she's been living in the woods. [2:20:00] I mean, it's berries. She finds time to get tone. Just a, what is it? A gloss. A little quick gloss. Bleach and tone. There you go. And we see Harry Clearwater covering up wolf tracks as they go. He knows. Because like, [2:20:16] That's his people. And so... [2:20:19] Victoria at one point. [2:20:21] grabs... [2:20:23] Harry Clearwater before he can like shoot her and lifts him up in the air and he's like petrified and then before she can do anything a wolf comes and just like t-bones her yeah and so Harry falls to the ground he's all stressed out he ends up having a heart attack it's the saddest death because Harry Clearwater is the most adorable man and I love him I would lay down my life for Harry

[2:20:53] and her plight, which we will get to, I think. She has many a plight. I think the next one, maybe the one after that. It's either Eclipse or the first Breaking Dawn. But we get to her plight. One other thing that Stephanie Meyer added onto her plate is that in the book, Harry Clearwater dies from a heart attack because Leah transforms into a wolf in front of him for the first time and he has a heart attack from it. So she kills her own dad, essentially. It's like, damn, you really did hurt her. She kills her dad and then she has to listen to her loved one imprint on her cousin. [2:21:23] Great. Rock on. Not great. [2:21:25] So Harry has a heart attack, and this is when Tom York's hearing damage plays over it. Perfect song for this. Perfectly shot. There's a scene of, like, Victoria, and I think it's Jacob. [2:21:39] I'm pretty sure as a wolf. Oh, I think you're right. They are like on opposite sides of a clearing and they do this like face off thing. And then they just like lunge at each other. And she does these cool like slow motion flips in the air and shit. And Tom, what does it, Tom York? Yeah. He has such a cool voice. And the song is just perfect. It gives you chills. It's such a vibe. And she's running away from the whole pack of wolves and it's like slow motion. Oh, I can see it in my head right now. It's a real, and they do these overhead shots and everything's really lush and green. [2:22:09] scene, I thought, I said, if the whole movie was like this... [2:22:13] it would be even better because it's like i know the romance is part of it yeah but if we could tone down some of the melodramatics and get a little more a little more of like vampires versus wolves which we get later i think yeah like that becomes more of a thing when you see like these battles and everything it's really fun it really is so i really love this so but uh

[2:22:34] She gets away. [2:22:36] by jumping off the cliff right and it's like i think it's she like swan dives out and is it that they can't go in the water because it's like where the tree i think it's they chase her to like where the treaty the treaty is maybe yeah because she jumps right into the water she like swan dives and jacob is like right after her and he has a wolf and he stops on the cliff and it's like um so she jumps in there and then we see bella get to the top of the cliff [2:23:06] We see Edward tell her not to. Like, what the fuck are you doing, girl? And she's like, this is the only way that I can see you. And he's like, please don't. She jumps in anyways. She, like, gets, like, beat up by some waves. Because it's, like... [2:23:18] Yeah, not clear, like clean crystal water. No, because when she jumps in, it's good. But then she literally gets fucking smacked in the face. Yeah, barrel rolled. Like literally like slams into a rock, like slams her head into a rock. Of course. And she's just floating underwater, which I guess they weighted her down to get that shot. Oh, like I think they put weights in her pockets so that she could float slowly like that. And you see, you see the vision of Edward like opposite her. So their heads are next to each other. [2:23:48] because she gets pulled out of the water and she like you can see her arm kind of flails when she gets barrel rolled once she like kind of gets her bearings she sees victoria swimming towards her underwater the most beautiful fish there ever was scariest and most beautiful fish that's when she backs up and hits her head into the rock here's my thing with this this is an issue she can run so fast she can't swim just as fast

[2:24:15] I mean, maybe it has something to do with the water. They didn't tell me that. She can only get through. Is it in the illustrated guide? And also... [2:24:21] She might have just been swimming up on her slow for the fear factor. And she didn't know that somebody was going to pull her out. Maybe. Because she was back in into the rock. She was going to be out cold. So she had all the time in the world to get to her. Still. But when she gets pulled out, her hand kind of like floats to the side. And then Edward just like dissipates. Edward Vincent Van Gogh's right out of there. He does. It's like Salvador Dali painting. It just like melts. [2:24:47] But yeah, so she gets, it's Jacob. Yeah. [2:24:49] who pulls her out and gives her CPR. She goes full cross-eyed again. She also swallows the water instead of spitting it out, which I was like, in that case, I know dry drowning is weird, but she might dry drown later. Well, and also I was just like, just spit it out. I think they put that water in your mouth so you could spit it out for effect, not swallow it. Bella Swan would swallow the water she was drowning on, though. But she goes cross-eyed again, and now I'm like, every time she is near death, she goes cross-eyed. She does such an interesting cross-eyed too. [2:25:19] eyes that cross. Yeah. It's like a... [2:25:22] I got to think about it. Hold on. This is not a visual podcast, so it doesn't matter. But I really wanted to give it a shot. Oh, and when Bella jumps off that cliff, by the way, she barely jumps out. Oh, that is another thing that pisses me off. She just steps off. You're going to die in all the rocks underneath there. I was like, what the fuck? No, Jacob gets her home. [2:25:42] And when they pull up, they see Carlisle's car. [2:25:45] and she's like, holy shit, and he says, like, I can smell them in there, and she's like, I gotta go in there, and Jacob's begging her not to, and saying, like, I can't protect you, and all this, and I think it's at this point that she literally, she just tells him, like,

[2:26:03] I don't care. Like, I'll do anything to be with Edward. Like, I'm doing this. Like, she's being so clear to him. [2:26:11] and he just unfortunately like it's horrible but she has been from the start like when they were sitting on the was it when they were sitting in the movie theater and she was like yeah like i don't want you to go away yeah and it's that's the thing it's like there's there's a lot of mixed vibes happening here i feel so jacob's young so i feel like it's like a little uh but she goes in there and it's alice who's there and alice is all upset she says she saw a vision um [2:26:36] of Bella jumping off the cliff, that she was trying to kill herself. Like, she was like, what the fuck? And they hug and, you know. [2:26:44] It's a whole reunion. And she's like, why the fuck does it smell like what dog in your house? Yeah. And she's like, and Jacob shows up and is like, I had to make sure you were okay. And Alice and Jacob have this like, really tense standoff. And she at one point, they get like into it for a second. And it's like, as soon as Jacob gets upset, he gets very upset. [2:27:08] It's he he's not scary. No. No. [2:27:12] Which is, like, not his fault. No, he's young. He's a bit bad. Well, and also, he just, like, I feel like... [2:27:18] Taylor Lautner, who plays Jacob... [2:27:21] has such a kind face. You know what I mean? Very much so. And he has a kind... [2:27:27] way about him that just like could not make me scared of him yeah and so when he say he says don't get me upset things are going to get very ugly and i was like no they won't they could never they can't i think if i was alice i'd be like boop like she basically does she's like yeah fuck off like i was like doesn't she say like we can we can figure this out when you put the dog yeah she because she's like where are you going alice and she's like i'm gonna let you take the

[2:27:57] That's a read. But when he said things are going to get very ugly, I said, babe, never. They could never with you. They could never get ugly with you. They're not. [2:28:08] It's just wild. It's next level. [2:28:11] So... [2:28:12] They end up, you know, Jacob and Bella are talking. So I think the phone rings. She goes in the kitchen. The phone rings. Jacob and Bella have a moment where they almost kiss. Yeah. Very close. Yeah. And then the phone rings. And he answers it. He's not pleased. He says, Swan Rose. You don't need to answer my telephone. She wasn't going to answer that. My telephone, that is brand new. And you can tell he's a little pissed when he answers it. And he says he's not here. He's planning a funeral. And he says he's planning a funeral. And hangs out the phone. Now, what he meant there... [2:28:41] Obviously, this person asked for Charlie. Charlie is planning a funeral for Harry Clearwater. So that is a thing. Jacob, apparently this is like widely argued. Yeah. Whether he intended to do this or not. He definitely did. [2:28:55] In my opinion, Stephanie Meyer says no. Here's the thing. I mean, I would trust her. She wrote it. I know. I know. But here's my reason why I do believe this. [2:29:06] He does not know. [2:29:09] That [2:29:10] the Cullens had any idea... [2:29:13] of bella jumping off that cliff to try to like kill herself he doesn't know that that's true he he wasn't like alice didn't say i'm here because she tried to kill herself like yeah he doesn't know that that's true so him saying that wouldn't make sense especially because actually when you put it that way that's a good point it's edward on the phone and he's asking for charlie as well so i think he's more looking at it like he's trying to get to her through charlie

[2:29:38] fuck you, Charlie's planning a funeral. Like, you piece of shit. Like, your little love story doesn't matter. Somebody died. Because that's also Jacob's family member. Yeah, yeah. So, like, Harry Clearwater. No, that's a good one. I never even thought of that point. So I think he doesn't know. It makes sense that you could take it that way and that if he did have all the information, sure, maybe he would have done that. Yeah. And I could absolutely see that, but he didn't have all that information, so it doesn't really make sense that he would have said it that way. Yeah. I think he was more annoyed that... [2:30:06] he felt Edward was trying to get to Bella through Charlie. Yep. Yep. Like trying to, so he's like, fuck you. He's planning a funeral. Yeah. Yeah. So that does happen. We see on the other end, it's just the worst possible thing. It is. Cause Bella probably saw it as like, [2:30:20] Even though she knows he doesn't have all the information, she's still pissed. Why didn't you hand me the phone? That was Edward. Right. And we see Edward. He literally crushes his phone in his hand. And he's in a dingy apartment. He looks a hot mess. He's... [2:30:34] he's not doing well which also i'm like what's going on where was everybody um [2:30:39] That's the thing. I don't think that... [2:30:41] I don't remember in the book because I just watched the movie. Because they're not home. I read the book forever ago, but I'm like... [2:30:46] Do they all go to their separate places? But then I don't. [2:30:50] I don't know, because somehow I think he's with Rosalie. [2:30:54] Yeah, because Rosalie or at least is in contact with them. I mean, which he's not via cell phone. [2:31:00] According to Google... [2:31:03] Google. You see him. He's in this apartment. He's looking out his window. It's at night. You can see the Christ the Redeemer statue in the background. Okay. So when I saw that, I said, that's Brazil. That's Rio de Janeiro. Okay. Like I or what I believed it was. Apparently, that's where he was. He traveled alone. And he ended up there. Wait, I feel like I remember that from New York.

[2:31:25] To New York? Yeah. Yeah. [2:31:27] So apparently he went to Brazil and they went to New York. They did not go together. [2:31:33] Interesting. I think I actually now I'm remembering from the book something about [2:31:38] Yeah, and it makes sense because you see that statue. That's a famous statue out the window. So I remember seeing it and being like, wait a minute. So he has to fly to Italy. Yeah. [2:31:47] Huh. [2:31:48] it's actually so funny because this, I remember being like there, it makes no sense that they got to him before, uh, [2:31:57] he like before like in yeah i remember thinking that it does make sense because if he's in brazil and he's flying to italy a direct flight is 11 to 13 hours and then from washington to italy is eight and a half nine and a half hours see that makes so it makes sense now that makes a lot more sense because i was there was so many because i knew he wasn't in italy yeah because i was like that statue but i was like for some reason and it has nothing to do with the background for some reason i had it in my head he was in tokyo [2:32:25] I don't know why. Yeah, I don't know. But... [2:32:29] I guess the rest of them, according to Google, they're in New York. And Carlisle like got like started like I guess he like went like taught classes at Cornell for a little while. [2:32:39] Okay. But how does Rosalie get in touch with Edward then? I must have called him. [2:32:45] Before he talked to... Yeah. Because what does she say Rosalie said? So I think it's that Rosalie... [2:32:51] said that because i'm assuming rosalie told him about the vision and that's why he calls okay that's why he calls to like really check and when he heard

[2:33:00] He's planning a funeral. He was like, holy shit, it really happened. There we go. Wow. And he was like, I gotta go. I don't know why my brain just like... No, it's a little confusing because it's a telephone. And in the movie, I don't think they're clear about where the rest of the... In the movie, they're not. The family went. Because in the movie, I think he mentions... Charlie says something about like... [2:33:21] I think it's Charlie who says it, that like Carlisle got a job. [2:33:25] in LA or something. It's either in the movie or the book. I can't remember now. Okay. I think that's the book. In the book, I think they say like he got a job in LA and he just had to take it. So they just up and left. [2:33:38] So, yeah. So it's very interesting. There's a lot of moving pieces, which can be a little clunky to understand, but we figured it out. So here we are. He crushes his phone and we see like them traveling, you know, now and Jacob tries to like begs Bella not to go. Because Alice says he's going to show himself to the Volturi now that he thinks you're dead. [2:34:08] Bella was dead he told her his plan and now that he has no cell phone there's no way to tell him which is why we don't overreact and crush our cell phones into a million pieces exactly you need to keep your cell phone on you yeah so or at least have an apple watch something um but yeah so they're on their way Jacob tries to stop her and she's like it's really sad and he's really sad it's sad it's upsetting uh but they go they go to Italy um Alice's driving outfit

[2:34:33] queen shit she looks the driving gloves stunning she looks wonderful [2:34:40] Is it Ashley Green? Yeah. She is... [2:34:44] stupid pretty like that this this one shot of her she has like the head wrap on the sunglasses and she's got the driving glove high fashion i die high i die fashion i will i want to drive like that also i don't know i think we mentioned it in the first one but in i can't remember if we did or not um apparently stephanie meyer's brothers are like big car heads so they helped her decide like what kind of car we're gonna be in the in the movie and in the book yeah which is i think [2:35:14] And so she's got to go. They get to Volterra. There's a festival going on. Everybody's in red cloaks and all that shit. And he went to the Volterri to say, like, I want to die. But Arrow is like, nah, dude, your gift is like a little too special. I can't kill you. Sorry about it. I can kill my own sister, but not you. Arrow's the best because he's just like, ugh. [2:35:36] oops sorry sorry that's so tortured you could join us though we would love that yeah you know we can't kill you let's hang on us and he's like no thank you and so he just decides that he's gonna walk out into the festival and show himself to everyone and then the volturi will have no choice and this festival is like all about the day that like they killed the last vampire or something like so it's like this is the big thing this is not good um so she gets to him with like

[2:36:06] sparkle shirtless that's the thing i love that his plan is just to sparkle for the people yeah [2:36:11] Which anybody, I feel like anybody would look at that and be like, oh my God, look at that guy with that body glitter. Where'd you get that? I mean, it's so sparkly. That would be some crazy. I'd be like, who's the holographic, the holographic over there? Yeah. I'd be like, that's pretty sick. Yeah. I would not be like, whoa. Vampire. A creature of the night over there. But I mean, maybe these people know because they're, they're well versed in Vance. They're in Volterra after all. She runs right through the fountain. She doesn't have to do that. Go around it. I don't think. Water slows you down. Um, yeah. [2:36:39] Or you could have just ran along the edge. That's what I mean. Yeah, water slows you down. It bothered me. That's silly. But she gets to him right in the last second. She jumps on him. The little girl sees him. He says, heaven. Which I was like, that's really sweet. I know. It is sweet. Like, he thinks he's in heaven. I know. And I was like, that's real sweet. It is. That moment I was like, oh, okay. I know. I'm back to your love. I know. Let's go. They pull you in every once in a while. He does. He loves her so much. He does, even though he left her in the middle of the fort. Yeah. [2:37:09] but that happened a little girl did see him while he was sparkling yes and she was like trying to she was like tugging out her parents being like oh this fucking motherfucker over there yep um but they get in there felix and i think dimitri which are like two of the guards come over and are like hey era wants to see you and he's like no i don't need them anymore like i'm not looking to kill myself and he's like yeah that's not what he wants to see you and he's like yeah he so wants to see you and then jane appears and she's like he wants to know why it's taking so long and i was like

[2:37:39] It literally took a second, but okay. She has this stare. Dakota Fanning does such a good job of this, like, dead-eyed, like, I'll fucking kill you stare. Yeah. I was like, damn. But... [2:37:50] They go in, they see that there's a secretary there that's a human, and this is when they go in, and Belle's like... [2:37:57] oh, does she want to become? And one of, I think it's like Dimitri or Felix is like, so she will become. And then... [2:38:04] That's when Jane says, or she'll be dessert. And they go in there. We see, you know, we see Marcus just shitting himself to the side there. He's so tortured. We see Arrow, just my king Arrow. Yeah, delighted. We see Caius, that hating motherfucker. Hating. Just grudging over there. Just hating everybody. We see Vecna, the baby Vecna. Yup. And they come in and Arrow, through this whole thing, Arrow discovers that [2:38:34] has a block she has a block that she is not affected by their special gifts yep like arrow can hear everybody's thoughts forever since they were he like conceived of he doesn't with her so then he tests out jane he has jane try he first he has jane hurt edward real bad and he's on the ground like screaming and bella's like stop it stop it like do it to me do it to me she says do it to me and she's like and he's like all right give it a try and he's like let's see and it does [2:39:04] good in this because it's tight on her face while she's doing and she does this little smile like closed lip smile while she's doing it but like she clearly enjoys she loves this and then when she realizes it's not working the smile just slowly fades from her mouth like she the emotion work she did so tight on that shot is amazing i mean she's been working since uptown girl she has and she's

[2:39:34] When she cuts the connection, she's like, fucking A. And she just looks at Arrow. And Arrow does his laugh here. It's a beautiful laugh. It's a laugh for the ages. It's a laugh for all of us. It is. In fact, if I was there, I think I would laugh with him. You must. Because I'd be like, yeah. That's fun. So fun. Sounds like a giggly time. It really sounds like a giggly time. [2:40:04] like the big macho man hulking guard that just like is the muscle here. Yeah, he can throw you through marble like it's nobody's business. A fight breaks out. [2:40:13] Felix slams Edward into the porcelain floor. Yeah. And his skin cracks like porcelain. I thought that was such a cool effect. It is. Like, because... [2:40:23] The whole lore of vampires is they are like porcelain. Yeah. And that whole lore of like, when they fuck, it probably sounds like porcelain dishes. Yeah. Slamming against each other. So when he got slammed down there and he cracked like porcelain, I was like, you really kept with that. But then they heal super fast. And it just heals like immediately. Yeah. It was interesting. I was so worried about this porcelain though. I said, this is probably thousands of years old. How are you going to replace this? I know. I was like, you're ruining your office. Your gorgeous castle. Yeah. That would piss me off. [2:40:53] it now. Yeah. They probably find somebody who will absolutely fix it for them, or they could just kill them. Yeah. And... [2:41:00] When Arrow gets close to Bella, [2:41:03] And he's saying how, like, she smells so good. Like, I don't know how you stand next to her. And Edward's literally like, it's tough. They have, like, a real bro moment. Like, it's hard, my guy. And he does the thing where he says, Isabella. Like, right in her face. And I was like, I love Arrow so much. Everything he says is top-notch. He's so weird. The way Michael Sheen plays him is so weird.

[2:41:28] scary. Because it's so unsettling. It's so unsettling. In such a... [2:41:33] small, like, unnerving way. He's very... [2:41:38] He's very the mayor coded. Yep. Like he's very like he's got that like that weird charming thing that happened. I don't know. He's very fun though. Marcus is wearing mules. [2:41:48] I'm pretty sure. I love the wheels. He's really wearing like a house slipper. Comfy. I noticed and I said, yeah. I bet they're Gucci. I bet. I bet. Totally. And basically the thing is she needs, because she has this special ability that now Arrow has discovered. He's like, well, now she needs to be one of us because I collect special vampires. And so he was like, she's got to be turned. And she knows about them. Yeah. Like he knows, she knows about us. She knows too much. [2:42:18] turn in our bitch. And he's like, I'll turn her. And, [2:42:21] Alice is like, wait a minute. And she's like, [2:42:24] I've seen that she's going to be turned. I will do it myself. And so Arrow checks this because he can check her thoughts. And he's like, all right. And he sees this fucking crazy ass. It's the best of Edward and Bella running out of a Renaissance fair running. [2:42:41] slow motion through the forest barefoot in renaissance garb she's wearing a dress yeah full renaissance vibes sunlight is glistening on their sparkling skin and she's a vampire it's insane yeah and so he saw this and he's like [2:42:56] Awesome. [2:42:57] like, cool. And he's, like, so, like...

[2:43:00] He literally, like, and is like... [2:43:02] Okay. All right. I'm going to let you guys get to it and let me know when it's done. Like so fun. And Marcus literally stands up and goes, [2:43:12] Thank you. [2:43:14] Fire is it? [2:43:18] It took... [2:43:20] every [2:43:21] thing in him to sit up and thank them it took his whole ass to sit and he's like get the fuck out of here because i'm gonna go shit my pants get the fuck out of here because i have been sitting with this gaspane for a long time and it's about to come to fruition so get out [2:43:39] I was like, I would, I feel like I would have to be like, thank you, Marcus, for sitting through this. I know you would. Thank you for your visit. You never visited anybody that sent that to you? I love it. Not like that, but I'm going to say that to everyone who leaves my home next Christmas Eve. Yeah. Any guests we have in the pod lab before they leave, I'm going to say thank you for your visit. So just know that. [2:44:09] this one episode that is about twilight for some reason so they know we'll point you to it oh so they leave and as they leave a big giant tour group full of men women and children are coming into that room and bella's like what the fuck and edward's like you should probably look this way and as the doors close you hear them all screaming because they didn't get to kill they didn't get to kill edward they didn't get to kill bella so that's like

[2:44:39] pent up shit yeah so they they went nuts on those men women and children it's pretty gnarly uh we see back home at bella's house she's you know in bed talking to edward it's a whole thing never be allowed in her house again after leaving her in the middle of the woods and requiring a search party he's not he says he's not okay that's yeah he but charlie does not know he's okay wonderful yeah because they have a whole discussion about how he's sorry and he failed her and he'll never [2:45:09] And then Charlie comes in and I said, I'm here. Okay. And Charlie's like, hey... [2:45:14] don't fucking do that to me ever again. And she's like, I won't. And he's like, no, seriously don't. And then before he leaves, he goes, no, [2:45:22] And you're grounded for the rest of your life. Like, honestly, so valid. Proper parenting. Yeah. [2:45:28] Proper parenting. Absolutely. And next to him on the wall next to the door is a painting of wolves. [2:45:34] Oh. And it's very much in the shot. [2:45:37] In Bella's room. Yeah. Oh. There's a painting of wolves. Interesting. I noticed that this time. And this is when Edward says, like, it's going to take a long time. [2:45:46] for him to forgive me. Oh, he does say that. And he's like, well, I'm not breaking his rules because he said, I can't step foot [2:45:55] through the front door and he's like and i came in through the window that's a loophole which i was like you're a fucking nightmare [2:46:01] your every parent's nightmare yes you didn't say i couldn't come in the window that was fucking implied you dumb shit you better put it in writing when you ban somebody from this house writing you're not coming through the front door back door side door window yeah you're not you're not burrowing underground you're not no way you can't be in this house by any means any means and you can't be on the property i was like you're a fucking nightmare you can't even be on my street yeah the fuck i don't even care if you live here oh you're evicted goddamn from my street

[2:46:27] And... [2:46:28] He literally says at some point to her, because they're talking again about, oh, they're in the car, and she's like, we should wait until after graduation, because that will be chiller for Charlie if you turn me after we graduate, blah, blah, blah. And he's like, at one point, he says... [2:46:45] we can figure out something to tell the Volturi. [2:46:48] Like, like, I'm not changing. And I was like, you're annoying. Like, you're annoying. It is annoying. And honestly, I was with her on this because she's like, you're dumb. And so they go to Edward's house and she's like, I know, like, I want to take a vote. I want all your family to take a vote if they think I should be turned. And at one point he says something and she literally turns around to him and she goes, shut up. [2:47:11] up and i was like oh you're ready to be a couple uh it's like you're ready for lifelong partner you absolutely are because there will be moments for the rest of your life where you turn around and say shut up and so she's like take a vote so [2:47:26] You know, Alice is like, I already consider you a sister. My vote's yes. Jasper says it would be super sick to not want to kill you all the time. Valid. Rosalie, she votes no. And she gives... [2:47:41] a very like i think her hers hits so hard and especially because we'll find out more about her backstory next in the next movie and she says this is not the life i would have chosen for myself which i was like oh emmet how does that feel because he's right next to her and she says and i wish someone had been there to vote no for me yeah which is amazing

[2:48:05] I'm like, she cares about you. That's the thing, actually. That proves in that moment that she does care about you. Because she would have just said, yeah, sure. Like, who gives a shit? I thought it was so poignant. Like, I think that's such a good... [2:48:16] You literally sit there and you're like, fuck yeah, Rosalind. That's a girl's girl. That's a girl's girl right there. I need you to remember that in the book, Edward Breaks a TV about this. [2:48:26] Oh my god, I didn't remember that at all. He breaks a TV after the vote. In the Frequently Asked Questions from New Moon on Stephanie Meyer's site, it says, what did Edward break in the living room after the vote? Edward ripped into halves a 60-inch plasma TV that the Cullens had shipped in from Korea because it's not available in the States yet. Emmett was a bit annoyed. What a little bitch. Can you imagine? I'd be like, so who's your wife? Yeah. Who's your lifelong partner? Yeah. What? Like, what's going on? [2:48:56] You're ripping a Korean TV into halves. Yeah. Yeah. [2:49:00] Because you have to change me? [2:49:02] That's dumb as hell. And also, what are we voting for? The Volturi already. Him and Rosalie are the only standouts, too. Because after Rosalie says that very poignant, very like, you know, that should give you a moment. Heartfelt. He's like, fuck yeah! And he's just like, hell yeah! And see, those are the moments when you turn around and you go, shut up. Shut up. And Esme says, I've always considered you part of the family anyways. And Carlisle says, this is really... [2:49:29] the only way like he's like the he's like he doesn't go against the volturi is gonna make this a problem like we just have to do it so because it's like the volturi will kill your whole family yeah it's like just fucking do it it's not it's just not that deep like it's really not she wants to be a vampire let her be a vampire that's the thing like it's the consent is there yeah she wants it i'd be like why don't you want to hang out with me for eternity exactly that would be my problem yeah um but they get back in the car he's not pleased um jacob ends up

[2:49:59] the woods so they go in there um they love to be directed into the woods they love being directed into the woods jacob is literally like i'm not letting you do this and she's like yeah you don't have a choice it's it's my choice a little does she know and he's like he's like okay motherfucker i call treaty and he was like um the treaty says that you can't bite a human so or else like all bets are off and he's yeah and he's like like there will be no peace between vampires and [2:50:29] And he says to her, if this happens... [2:50:34] I'm not responsible for what happens after. Because you'll be a vampire. This is just the way it is. I will have to be... [2:50:41] Your enemy, essentially. Yeah. And it's, like, a really rough scene. You feel really bad. And at one point, like, him and Edward go toe-to-toe. And, like, he changes into a wolf. It's, like, a whole thing. And... [2:50:57] it kind of ends there with... [2:51:00] You know, I think is this where Edward, he asks her to marry him. Is this where Edward, though, at first he says, like, we're going to find a way around this? [2:51:09] Oh, he asks her, he's like, how about five years? Give me five years. And she's like, no. Like, this would annoy. At this point, I'd be like, you got to shut the fuck up and stop. Yeah, no, he's really annoying about it. Yeah, put up or shut up. Let Alice do it. Yeah. Let anybody else do it. Let Carlisle do it. Yeah, he'd be so careful. He seems fine about it. He's pretty good at it. He's done it a few times. Yeah. And he tries to negotiate, and he's like, you're really stubborn. And then he's like, okay, I'll do it, but on one condition. Marry me. And then he says, marry me, Bella. He proposes in a Volvo while they're driving.

[2:51:39] Thank you. [2:51:40] Not the proposal of my dreams. I don't even think, were they even in the car yet? I think they were still in the woods. Oh my God, are they still on the side of the woods? They're still on the side of the road, in the woods. And he doesn't even get down on one knee, does he? And it was right after Jacob left, like, in tears. [2:51:53] oh and he's like this seems like a good time [2:51:57] No, he doesn't get down on one knee, I don't think. No ring? It's... [2:52:01] It's a real amidst chaos. It's a real... [2:52:06] A real move. But you know, that sent Bella into orbit. [2:52:12] Yeah. She... [2:52:14] She's excited. [2:52:16] Well, I... [2:52:17] So are we. And so are we. Because Eclipse is a whole other... I really like Eclipse. Eclipse is like so much shit happening. Eclipse, honestly, the next three movies... Is it three movies? Yeah, because Breaking Dawn is broken into two. The next three movies I remember being so much fun. Yeah, because I think New Moon, for me... Bummer. Was kind of like... It dipped for me, and I was like, ugh. Eclipse comes back because... Eclipse brings it back. There's like a... [2:52:45] There's like a war basically being... Yeah, you start like seeing other pieces of the puzzle. [2:52:51] The love triangle gets way more intense than that one. And remember, Victoria is still in these streets. She is still in these streets. We didn't get rid of her. No, we did not. So. [2:53:01] Get ready for that. We hope you keep listening. And we hope you keep it vampy. Oh, no. I went crazy. You went nuts. You could keep it vampy, werewolfy, sparkly. Yeah. Sparkly. Sparkly. And weird.

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