The Man-Eaters of Tsavo

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[01:47] Have you heard of it? I've heard of it. You have, because you're here. It's been my livelihood for a few years. It's true, for a few years. A handful. A handful of years. Yeah, actually, it's been quite [01:59] i know i mean i was a youth when we started this i listened to her first of all if you just started listening to morbid and you caught up like super duper fast [02:08] Thank you so much, because in the early episodes, I sound like I don't give a shit about anything. I sound, I was just like, yeah, I was at work today, and like, blah, blah, blah, like, and this happened. You loved that. Ew. No, it worked. I know, the people stayed. It must have been for you at that point. If you stayed, probably not. If you stayed. If you stayed. [02:35] Let's face reality. You said, uh-oh. I said, uh-oh. I don't know what it was. [02:38] charm, I guess. If you stayed, you're a real one. You're the realest one. I appreciate you. I always did, but now I sound like it. It, like, really... [02:47] really hits when we listen to the older episodes. How much you just like hung in there and what we put you through. It is crazy that it will be like a decade and not that many years. Yeah. That's nuts. It's crazy. I know. We'll have to like do something fun or something. And it feels like we're finally in like a [03:05] We're back to the... [03:07] The early days. Fun part again. Yeah. I agree with that. We had a little middle part there. We had a fucking journey. You know. Which was a journey you guys know. You know. I lost years off my life. But I'm gaining them back right now. I'm learning how to regulate my nervous system again. Yeah. Which is a really fun thing. I actually was just saying, like, I wish that I could do, I've said this so many times, but now I can even tell you, like, even more why. I wish I could do my wedding again. Yeah. Because my cortisol face at my wedding. Like, I still look phenomenal. Thank you. I did.

[03:37] Gorgeous. Good for, so fuck y'all. Yeah. But, [03:39] I still wish I could do it again because I think I would have even enjoyed it that much more, especially the planning process. Oh, yeah. Because it was just... [03:47] Because there was a lot going on. There was so much fun. It was a mini disaster every day. There was like family things going on too. Yeah. [03:54] And then there was like, [03:56] work things that were literally constantly going on. So that was a lot. I'm pretty sure the day of my wedding, a podcast came out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because we were no time off because no, no time off. [04:10] yeah just reminiscing no no time off no creativity no creative control just nothing um yeah but you know what [04:20] That's in the past. And now we're doing things like playing Radio City fucking musical. Which you guys gotta come. We still have a few tickets left. Yeah, we got some tickets left. This is one time. One time only. This is one time. I literally just got my tap shoes delivered the other day. And we're really brainstorming some really cool ideas. And we have one in particular that we're hoping is going to happen in... [04:43] I'm excited about it. Oh, yes. If that happens, that thing that we can't say right now, I'll shit my pants. Go get your tickets. It's going to be fun. It's going to be fucking lit. It's going to be theme-y. [04:54] And it's going to be a real good time, and it's one time only, and we only have some tickets left. So, grab them. Remember to get them at Ticketmaster only. Yes, because those are the ones we said, yeah. We said, yeah, sounds good. It's going to be a lot of fun. I can't wait. [05:06] Ah!

[05:07] Jinx! You owe me a Coke. But you know what? You already bought me a Coke today. Oh yeah, I did. So we're good. It's retroactive, paid back. I like it. Alright, what's up, girl? Oh, wait! Tomorrow, also, stay tuned. Fun bonus episode coming up. For a fun fucking bonus episode. One that I think you guys are gonna be pretty excited about. I don't know what it's about or anything, but. I think you guys When the full moon turns right, that's [05:37] Just leave that in. That's it. So stay tuned for that. That's an Easter egg. Everyone's like, bitch, do you know what an Easter egg is? They're like, that's an Easter dump. See if you can dissect that Taylor Swift level. [05:54] Marketing. A little marketing genius over here. Check it. So listen to that. Listen to that. Listen to it. Check that out. [06:07] Because there's some fun book stuff happening tomorrow. So go... [06:10] set your alarm. Go check it out. I don't know. Tomorrow. Oh, okay. For 12 a.m. tonight. Got it. I don't know. Head on over tomorrow. To my... [06:24] to my Instagram page, and I'll tell you. All day only. Okay? All day only. So get over there. So, yeah. So that's all the biz nasty I think we had to talk about. Yes, girl. So what are we going to talk about today? I don't know. It's your case. I'll tell you because it's my case. People are like, what the fuck are you guys on? So we're on. We had McDonald's today. We did, and we took a walk. We took a walk, and it lit up different parts of our brain. At one point, I just looked at everyone, and I said, this has been a great day, guys.

[06:54] are. Now we're going to get a little gnarly, though. Oh? [06:58] Did you say something about lions? Yeah, I sure did. Lions. So this is a little different because we know when I talked to you guys about the shark attacks in Joy-Z. You liked that. You guys were like... [07:11] That was pretty interesting. Yeah. And then some people said... [07:15] more animal attacks, please. And I said, okay. And then Dave said... [07:19] Got it. He said, what about this one? Dave said, say less. He did. So we're going to talk about the man eaters of Savo. [07:28] today. [07:29] What? That's right. You heard that right. I've never heard of that. So this one's wild. I bet. This one's gruesome. [07:36] It does have trigger warning. There are animal deaths in it. And I'm just going to say right now that I wish the I don't wish any human being to get hurt or mauled by an animal. But I do wish the animals just got to kind of. [07:51] go off and live their lives after this. And just kind of go away, you know? Yeah. That's just how I feel. Let's begin. In the spring of 1898... Oh, fuck. We're going way back. Yeah, let's go back. I wasn't even there. Colonel James Patterson arrived in East Africa to take up a position leading the construction staff on the Uganda Railroad, which was a very big infrastructure project based in Kilindini, Australia. [08:19] Kenya. Okay. I hope I said that correct. I looked up many pronunciations. As one of the main waterways between Europe, the Middle East and Africa, this whole region had been steeped in wars between competing interests, trying to gain control. But by that point, it was the British who held majority control and had set the project forth, like set it into motion. And they were really kind of largely relying on local labor managed by British officials. Okay. So after

[08:49] orders, Patterson finally received a letter that told him he was going to go travel about 150 miles inland to a region called Savo. [08:57] which is a combo word meaning place of slaughter. [09:02] Don't go there, baby. I said, whoa. Why would you name it that? Because apparently there had been so many... [09:08] Wars and like battles and things that had happened on this land. So, [09:13] He was going to go there to take command of a crew that was going to build a large railroad bridge over the Savo River. [09:19] Like much of Kenya at this time, Savo was really dry. It was really arid. There was rivers and streams cutting through various sections of it. And in addition to the large population of Kenyans living in the area, it also was home to a very diverse population of wildlife. [09:49] is it rhinoceros i think it is rhinoceros you do i don't know wow i'm gonna look it up though you should brian sir let's get smart i like getting smarter let's get smarter my brain is plural rhinocero i did not spell plural um it's okay [10:07] The plural is either rhinoceroses or rhinoceros. I like rhinoceros better. It kind of feels nice. It does. It's got a nice mouthfeel. Rolls off the tongue. I love elephants. Me too. I would lay down my life for elephants. I also love...

[10:24] elephants my youngest just got a stuffed elephant that she made and she named her and she named them ewie yeah and said sometimes they're boys sometimes they're a girl and i said okay non-binary king and queen yeah i said iconic ewie uh and it's not ellie [10:40] Oh, we don't even do to any kind of speech impediment. No, that's just a straight up name. That's a straight up name. Don't get it twisted. No. So so there's that. So while many of the species living in the region did pose a threat to humans. [10:57] There were definitely... [10:58] Not a lot that were as fierce and as dangerous as the Maneless Lion. [11:04] Maneless lion, you say? So this is a subspecies of big cat that evolved without the large fluffy mane. So now they feel like they have something to make up for. Well, here's the thing. They evolved without the large fluffy mane because it allows them to better survive the heat of the desert. Oh. So they actually like have a little bit of a leg up. Yeah, that's really cool, actually. And I think it makes them less floofy looking. Because when I see a big old lion with a big old mane, I'm like, oh, gotta touch it. [11:34] I know I can't. I know I can't, and I won't. How often are you running into lions? When I see one at, like, a zoo or something. Every day that I see a lion. Yeah, every time I just run into one. [11:47] Or if I see one on TV, I'm like, oh, touch that. [11:51] Like, I just want to pet it. You know? I love you. You know? You know what I mean? Because it's that foofy me. No, I get it. It just makes them look so foofy. Those are the boys. The girls don't have that. Yeah. You just want to boop. Boop their snoot. Don't ever boop a lion snoot. You run into a lion snoot. Do not boop the snoot. Unless you're familiar with that lion and, like, you have a bond. And you've booped the snoot before, because I'm not here to tell you to boop any snoots. Never boop a snoot for the first time. Yeah. If you're not familiar with that lion.

[12:21] These are maneless. So they, to me, look a little more villainous, to be quite honest. Without a mane, it's like, you're just a scary ass cat. Well, that's like the ladies. And the ladies actually are more fierce. They're badass. I learned a lot about lions last time I went to Disney. I love that for you. Thank you. [12:37] So establishing a path through the dense jungle to get to this area where they were going to do construction was not an easy task. Because you're not supposed to go there, probably. You're not. We're really not. The jungle in Savo was densely forested. It was overgrown. [12:51] filled with like snarled plant life, which included a species of like a this like species of plant that has like a variety of different species that are covered in large hooked thorns. And they're called wait a bit thorns. Wait a bit. Wait a bit. Wait a bit before you come up on this area. Yeah. Or it's like you're going to get stuck in these thorns and then you're going to wait a bit to get out. So in that first week, much of Patterson's time was spent getting to know the area, just kind of familiarizing himself with the work, the crew, what was going to be happening. [13:21] Yeah. And this obviously wasn't like super manually intensive. This wasn't like the labor that they were going to do. Yeah. It was still physically taxing. And each night Patterson looked forward to going to sleep in the tent. He was like, this has been a long day. I look forward to going to sleep in my bed every day without doing much. And if you got a tent, why not? Never have I ever looked forward to sleeping in a tent. No. Never have I ever slept in a tent. There you go. But he would be exhausted, he said, every single night. But he wrote in a journal.

[13:51] knew then what adventures awaited me in this neighborhood, and if I had realized that at the time two savage brutes were prowling around, seeking whom they might devour, I hardly think I would have slept so peacefully in my rickety shelter. [14:05] What prose, right? So as soon as he'd arrived in the camp... [14:10] Patterson began hearing stories of men disappearing from camps in the area. Not what you want to hear upon settling. Upon arriving. At first, he was like, okay, whatever. Maybe they're just legends. People love to talk shit. Maybe they're just trying to get me scared. We all love it. But after a few days, it became kind of impossible to ignore the increasingly credible tales. He said all the old caravan leaders had disliked this camp for one reason or another, and it was a noted place for desertion. [14:40] And in fact, very few of the caravans seemed to make it through the area without losing one or two of their porters. To the other men, the leaders of the caravan would usually provide a, you know, some kind of like whatever answer. Something about how the men had simply deserted them in the night and joined an easier route. That's why they're not here. But few of the remaining members of the caravan found that to be reasonable at all. [15:10] Right. [15:10] Fair. Like you're busting your ass for weeks at a time just to like peace out and leave everything? Yeah. So a few weeks into the construction project, the crew had finally reached the west side of the Sava River when Patterson first heard that one of his crew had disappeared the night before. Uh oh. Several others on the crew cited the stories of the other men who'd gone missing and insisted the missing worker had been carried off in the night by a lion. No, thank you.

[15:40] this story and was more inclined to believe that the unfortunate man had been the victim of foul play at the hands of some of his Conrad's. [15:47] But nevertheless, workmen were a valuable resource, so Patterson immediately assembled a group of people to go search for him. It didn't take long before his mind was changed. In speaking with the other men who shared a tent with the missing man, Patterson found one worker who witnessed the attack. Oh, fuck. It was around midnight, this guy said, and he said when a large maneless lion poked its head... [16:12] through the flaps of the fucking tent said anybody in here and he quickly scanned the interior of the tent and saw that there were definitely people in there and grabbed the nearest worker [16:24] His name was Ungen Singh, and he grabbed him by the throat. So Singh cried out, Koro, which means let go, and wrapped his arm around the lion's neck, trying to get him to release him. But the lion's grip was too tight, and the other men in the tent, just all they could do was watch in horror, as their literal friend and co-worker was dragged into the darkness, screaming for his life. Oh my god. [16:54] investigate the area outside of Singh's tent. And they found large paw prints in the sand and deep gashes in the earth, which showed them what direction that he was being dragged away. And he said, we found it an easy matter to follow the route taken by the lion, as he appeared to have stopped several times before beginning his meal.

[17:13] Oh, the areas where the lion appeared to have paused were accompanied by birds. [17:17] pools of blood each larger than the last oh my god finally less than a mile from the tent the [17:25] they found Singh's body. [17:27] It was, they said it was unimaginable horror. That's, yeah. His body appeared to have been completely ripped apart, with the flesh torn from all but his head and feet. [17:39] Patterson wrote the ground all around was covered with blood and morsels of flesh and bones. [17:44] But Sing's head had been left intact, the eyes staring wide open with a startled, horrified look in them. Oh my god. All around the body were paw prints, similar to those found along the bloody path that led from the tent to the body, but... [18:00] similar, but they weren't all the same. And as they looked at the prints, it occurred to them that those were two distinct set of prints in the dirt, indicating that one lion definitely pulled him from the tent. [18:12] but he had been killed and eaten by at least two. Oh, my. Yeah. Patterson wrote, I've witnessed many an accident with fatal consequences, but the sight of this skeleton from which the flesh had been ravenously torn was one of the most gruesome spectacles imaginable. Also, imagine you're standing there, like, taking that all in. Sitting duck. But that's the thing, exactly. You're sitting there where that group of lions or pair of lions just had a meal. Where the fuck are they now? Yeah. [18:40] That's the thing. Like, are you sitting here watching? Oh, that's horrifying. Now, in his mind, Patterson began thinking about all the stories he had heard about men going missing from caravans in the Savo region. And he was like, oh, shit, is this the same group of lions that are responsible for those attacks? And it seemed impossible because animal attacks didn't, you know, they happened from time to time, but they were, like, still exceedingly rare. They still are. Yeah. Since most animals wanted nothing to do with humans who were...

[19:08] just encroaching on their territory at this point. Now, at the riverbank, the men gathered up Singh's remains as best as they could, and they buried them in the sandy ground. They piled stones on it, because kind of like a grave marker. His head they placed in a burlap sack and brought back to camp in order to provide an identification to the medical officer. [19:28] Oh, wow. Yeah. The next day they returned to the area heavily armed, but there was no sign of the lions that had killed Singh. But to their horror, as they searched the area, they found... [19:40] A lot of evidence of other attacks. There were skulls and parts of skeletons littering the area. What the fuck? He had definitely not been the first victim, and he was likely not going to be the last. You guys got to get out of there. So that night, the workmen were... [19:57] uneasy in their tents. They were scared to sleep, and they were like [20:01] They could just be lurking right outside our tent, just waiting to pounce. Yeah. James Patterson, on the other hand, took up a position in a near tree to the tent. I don't blame him. And it was near the tent that Singh was taken out of. But then you've got to think of all the animals that can climb trees. Patterson is wild because he's like the lead here. He's supposed to be like heading up this thing. He does take lead. Okay. He puts himself in positions to climb. [20:25] try to protect his crew. So he's up in a tree. And he said, if one of the lions returned that night, he was going to defend the camp and he was going to kill it. Okay.

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[22:12] no safe like SimpliSafe. [22:17] Do you know that feeling when working out finally clicks, when you finally feel like you get in a routine, when you can see the results, not just physically, but also like emotionally, mentally? [22:29] All of it. I don't know. Tell me about it. I'm going to tell you about it because finally when it clicks for me is when I get that clear headed feeling. I can I actually look forward to my workouts because I feel like they're kind of like a reset for me. Oh, heck yeah. Heck yeah. It's honestly it's worth it. You're it's worth it. It's an investment in yourself in every way that it can be. So I'm telling you one way you can do this is with Peloton. Peloton helps you unlock all the [22:59] gets through movement with the Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus powered by Peloton IQ. Peloton IQ builds a workout roadmap that's completely yours. So you can stop overthinking and just move, which is the hardest part. Peloton IQ provides intelligent strength coaching so you can stay in the moment. You can track every single rep, you can read every movement, and guiding form in real time. So there's no second guessing because that's always my thing [23:29] right and they're like no you're not this is how you do it don't second guess yourself girl don't do it so spin the swivel screen too and feel what's possible moving from running to strength seamlessly without breaking any flow because we don't want to break that flow reach your flow state they're honestly the clarity that comes when you stop negotiating with yourself i'll just do it tomorrow i'll start it next week maybe if i get in this routine i'll feel better don't talk about it

[23:59] I'm the person who will continue negotiating with myself until I'm 80 years old that I've yet to step on any single exercise equipment. So finally, when I stopped and I just got on my Peloton, I'm telling you, it's an investment. It's a worthwhile investment in yourself. So let yourself run, lift, fail, try and go. [24:23] Period. [24:28] Every good detective needs a partner to support them on important cases. Think of a State Farm agent like your sidekick, there to help you along the way in your search for coverage. State Farm can help you choose the coverage you need, whether it's for your home, car, boat, or even RV. With so many options, it's nice knowing you have help finding what fits for you, so you can get back to solving all of life's bigger cases. [24:57] Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. [25:05] So, several hours passed with no sight or sound of lions anywhere near the camp. So, he was beginning to think, okay, he's not going to come back tonight, when out of nowhere he heard, quote, a great uproar and frenzied cries coming from another camp about a half a mile away. [25:22] The men at Patterson's camp knew they wouldn't be able to reach the camp in time to be of any use. And even if they were able to get there, none of them were really confident that they could fend off or fight off a man-eating lion. Yeah. The best they could do was find some comfort in the fact that, at least for tonight...

[25:38] they weren't gonna see the lion yeah like what a shitty leak they're just like i guess we can go to sleep yeah so the next morning news reached his camp of the previous night's commotion and it was what he had thought [25:53] Another of his workers at the railroad head camp had been ripped away from his tent by a lion in the middle of the night. That evening, Patterson took up a new position in a tree near the railhead camp and waited in the pouring rain for any sign of stocking lines. Just like the night before, several hours passed and he was soaked. He's like freezing, soaked to the bone. He's about to climb down from his position when he heard, quote, a heart rending shriek indicating that there had been another attack. [26:23] about a half a mile from Railhead. Okay. What we're going to see... [26:27] is that the lions are fucking smart. Okay. It's like they know. [26:33] Every time he moves to another one, they move away or they'll go to the other one that he was just not at. It's like really crazy. It's like weird intelligence. Yeah. Now, when the construction project began, the workmen were assigned to one of several camps scattered within an eight mile stretch along the river. [26:51] Lions are known to travel up to 12 miles a day to find food. Wow. That meant any of the men in any of the camps along the Savo River could be prey. And there was no way to know which camp the lions were going to hit. It was like... [27:07] Whack-a-mole. Yeah. So I just actually googled it and lions are considered the most intelligent of big cats. That makes sense because this their intelligence in this situation, it's like they were watching and like,

[27:20] They would kind of just like adjust their plans. This actually says they excel at cooperative hunting, complex problem solving and observational learning. So they were studying. They were literally observing and watching and learning. Solve puzzles, remember solutions for months and they they possess larger frontal cortex regions, which is crucial for managing complex social bonds. That makes so much. That's actually very fascinating because I always think like a lion pride is so interesting. [27:50] are really, really interesting. Elephants are very intelligent, too, and they're very emotionally intelligent. Elephants have straight-up funerals. And their communities are so interesting. Yep. I could learn about that stuff for forever. I love animals. I think it's so interesting, and I don't think we give them enough credit. [28:09] No, we don't. We're so self-centered. Like us they are, but better than us they are in so many ways. So at first, Patterson spent night after night just cycling between the camps with a rifle, taking up positions in makeshift hunting blinds, searching the landscape for any signs, just trying to keep his workers safe. And the men also successfully petitioned to consolidate the camps as best they could, just to try to keep them from being so spread out. [28:39] around themselves, winding the plants with wait-a-bit thorns, and around the perimeter for extra protection. All right, that was smart. Unfortunately. Me, but smart. However sensible, these efforts really didn't have a lot of effect on the two lions. They didn't give a fuck. You have to think, they've lived there forever, so they can adapt to those kinds of things. They're hungry. And Patterson wrote, they almost appeared to have an extraordinary and uncanny faculty of finding out our plans beforehand. Yeah.

[29:07] which is exactly what we were just talking about. Now, in fact, whenever the men would put up an extra protection in one camp, or whichever camp Patterson chose to monitor, the lions seemed to instinctually know to stay away and would instead choose to attack another camp. Knowing that they couldn't possibly protect every camp equally every single night, Patterson began laying simple traps for the animals. Sometimes he would use livestock as bait at the perimeter of the camp, [29:35] hoping the animal would attract the lions. Other times he would lace the corpses of animals with strychnine and other poisons, [29:43] brother. Just hoping that they would eat it and die, essentially. And you can see why they're going to these lengths. Men are dying, and they're obviously... [29:54] Like we'll see, they're getting very brazen. Yeah. But I want you to know that at the end of this, you're going to find out why they're being so brazen. And it might make you think a little differently about it. Were they really hungry? They were really hungry. And... [30:07] Obviously, it's not okay that humans are dying. I've said this in the shark attack thing. I think you guys understand my vibe here. Anybody who takes this as like, Elena, hey, thinks humans should die by animal attacks and that animals should live. No. Wrong. So just, it's just a bummer. Yeah. It's a bummer that they were encroaching... [30:27] They were doing a job that they were sent there to do. Right. But we are encroaching on animals land and that these things happen when we encroach on animals land. And it sucks, you know. So you can see he was just trying to protect his men. The animals are just trying to eat.

[30:41] It's the circle of life, you know? But yeah, it was sad. But none of these things caught the lions and they didn't really prove effective. In fact, Patterson wrote, the beasts much preferred live men to dead donkeys. Whoa. Which I was like, damn. Well, I mean... [31:00] Like when a donkey dies, it's like the same thing when a human dies, decomposition starts to set in. So it probably tastes a little funky. I'm sure it tastes different. I'm sure they prefer fresh food. Now, given the amount of time and energy that James Patterson devoted to hunting these man-eating lions, you could easily forget that regardless of nocturnal terrors, there was a construction project going on during the day. During the day, the work crews conducted backbreaking, exhausting manual labor. [31:29] building a massive bridge across the river. The physical toll this work took on the body was huge. [31:35] immense. Like we can't even, and in the heat. And then think about the mental pool. With inadequate, I'm sure, like supplies that they need to stay like as hydrated as they could be. All this, you got to think about that for sure. So it's like, then they're going to sleep at night, they should be able to just plop down and pass out and let their body recover from what they've been going through. But they can't. They can't. And it's like, and Patterson here is staying up in trees in the pouring rain all night trying to protect his camp. And leading this project. And it's just the psychological strain that [32:05] of having become prey for an animal at night. That's fucked. That's a lot. None of them felt equipped to protect themselves. And then they're dealing with this fight or flight thing. It's similar to like when there's a serial killer in your area. You know what I mean? Your body needs time to rest and like recharge from your day. And if this is happening at night, it's like, this is bad. Yeah. So the attempts to catch or kill the lions may have provided a sort of psychological distraction,

[32:35] at night. But feeling proactive didn't really do a lot to stave off the reality that it was only a matter of time before they made their way into the camps every night. Right. Night after night, the men listened helplessly as the terrified cries coming from nearby camps went on and on and on, as one or more of their co-workers were yanked out of bed and dragged away to their death. Oh my god. We'll find out one of these lions ate upwards of 20 men. [33:04] Holy shit. [33:07] It was night after night. 20 men. And sometimes the victim would get lucky. Like one night in early April, a Greek contractor managed to avoid the horrible fate that his coworkers faced when the lion grabbed the mattress he was lying on rather than him. And he was able to roll off an escape before the lion realized that it was holding a mattress and not a human. [33:32] But yeah. But more often than not, the lion struck with pain. [33:37] unbelievable speed and precision they're just that's the other thing you have to think of they're so fast they're highly a lot of all predators yeah this is what they do so it gives the the victim and the other men in the tent have no second to react they can't do anything also just imagine being the person like sleeping next to the yeah the person that gets dragged out of the tent and you can't help them you can't help them and you're like i was that it was that close yeah and hearing

[34:07] the engineer managing the team at Railhead. By the end of April, the Lions had killed, quote, 16 Punjabi workmen and one Punjabi headman. [34:17] Wow. So while the loss of life was obviously the primary issue in the camps, it wasn't the only challenge that was being posed by the lions. For the most part, an animal will really only kind of expend as little energy and effort as necessary to catch prey. Yeah. And this is pretty true for the Savo man-eaters, too. Okay. [34:36] If they could simply stick their heads in through a flap of a tent and grab a man by the neck, that was simple for them. Like they would do so and just be on their way. Other times, however, it seemed like the circumstances were were like unfolding in a way that a simple attack, like what would normally be a simple attack, would escalate into pure chaos. And they would not really run away. They would like the lions. Yeah, they would stay the course until they got it. OK. [35:06] climbed high into a tree. [35:09] adjacent to a tent in which 14 workers were sleeping. [35:14] And it leaped down onto the tent from above. No. [35:20] crawled into a tree and jumped on top of the tent. [35:26] Oh my god. [35:27] Every night my 80-pound dog jumps on me in bed. [35:33] to lay on me. And it's the scariest event in my life every time. And that's a that's a little poop monster who's just there to snuggle me. Brother, I'll do you one better. I have a 12 pound cat that scares the shit out of me on the nightly 12 pounds. How the fuck much does a lion weigh? A whole thing.

[35:55] ass man-eating lion jumps on your fucking tent. Can you imagine the chaos? [36:03] That broke out in that tent? No. Because now you can't see, you can't move, you're being, like, restricted by tent fabric. Like, you don't know where it is. And a whole-ass lion? And 13 other people? I need you to guess what a typical male lion generally weighs. [36:20] Give me a little bit of a range. [36:22] Between what and what? [36:25] I'm trying to think. So my dogs are like 80 pounds each. Okay. So two of them are 160 pounds. Yeah. [36:34] Between, like... [36:37] 200? No. And 250, maybe? No. Average adult male lions generally weigh between 330 and 570 pounds. And if it was a woman... [36:53] lion i think they were they were boys were they boys yeah well just so you know women lions uh average uh 260 between 265 and 400 pounds holy shit [37:05] So like that might have just killed somebody just purely off landing on them. Yeah. [37:10] Holy shit. And just the fact that that lion... [37:15] First of all, thinking of a lion climbing up a tree. I didn't know that they could climb trees. Scary as shit ever. Like you can't get away from it by climbing up a tree. Imagine climbing up a tree and the lion's like... Me too. Yeah. I'll meet you up there. Like I'd be like, oh shit. Absolutely not. And then for a lion to look down and be like...

[37:33] Huh. [37:34] I bet if I jumped on that, I could probably get them. Oh, my God. Like, what the fuck? So it easily tore through the top of the tent, and its claw caught one man in the shoulder and knocked him to the ground. But in its attempt to make a hasty escape, because things got a little crazy. Okay. Okay. [37:52] The lion grabbed a large bag of rice and thought it was a person at first, lying on the ground next to the man and made off with the large bag of rice. Have the rice. Which also is bad because I'm like, they need food. Because it's their food source, I know. The next day when the men searched the area, they found the bag of rice a little less than a mile away. And it was made of cloth, that's why too. Yeah. And it was torn to shreds and the contents was just everywhere. [38:22] along with his donkey late one evening, when one of the lions sprung from the underbrush and knocked them both to the ground with, like... [38:29] incredible force. The donkey was badly wounded by the claws of the lion. And the trader assumed the lion would make off with the donkey rather than fight the stronger prey. Right. They know. And the trader quickly found out he was wrong, though, because the lion turned right to him in literally like in like like haunches up like I'm going to attack. But when the lion began to move, his claws and forepaws were dead. [38:56] The way he described this later was he said it was almost comical the way he was tangled in the donkey's reins.

[39:04] Because the donkey had a bunch of empty oil tins and other pieces of metal strung on his reins. So the lion was eventually able to rip the reins free from the donkey, but they were still tangled around his front legs. Oh my god. [39:26] jungle to the intense relief of the traitor i mean that's great for the traitor but like the poor and that lion was probably so embarrassed he was probably like fuck y'all i was gonna i was gonna eat you you're an asshole oh my gosh like damn so among the workers a legend emerged that these were not ordinary lions but they were in fact um shaitans which means demons oh fuck [39:50] Others believe the lions were physical manifestations of the spirits of long dead local tribal leaders who were angry with the British for invading and altering the region with their construction work. Or maybe they're just lions that are upset that you're interrupting their region. There's also that possibility. That seems pretty simple. These were, so these beliefs came out of like the behavior of the animals, which was definitely more aggressive and more assertive than ordinary lions. Yeah. [40:20] would go to attack and eat humans and how consistent they were. [40:25] That was different because there was other prey available. Yeah. So they were like, there's like wildebeests over there. That's like your favorite thing in the world. Why are you not eating those and you're coming to us? Well, they're so much bigger too. That's the thing. Like they're going to satisfy more. We are not lions like choice prey. No. Like given us and like a wildebeest or us and something else, they'll take the wildebeest. They're picking the other thing every time. Yeah. So by the summer, complaints about the attacks and the missing workers had finally reached

[40:55] further attacks. In July, the company responsible for the project, the British East Africa Company, offered a 200-rupee reward for, and this is sad, quote, the skin of any lion shown to the satisfaction of the managers to have been destroyed within one mile on either side of the railway line and to a distance of five miles east and west of the River Savo. It's one thing to kill an animal for your protection. Yeah. That, you know, you know how we feel. Yeah. [41:25] It's another thing to skin a fucking lion. I know. [41:28] I'm sorry, but go fuck yourself. I don't get it. You, like... [41:33] Like, this is the 1800s. I'm so upset by that. That's so upsetting. Now, in a region that frequently struggled with poverty as well, this bounty on lions attracted a large number of hunters. Because, again, they're like struggling just to feed themselves like a 200 rupee reward is huge. And so like a ton of hunters and would be hunters came to the area, all hoping to claim the reward. [42:03] man-eaters, quote-unquote, away for so many months, because they did stay away for quite some time. They said, fuck that. We know what y'all are up to. They're real smart. Right. Because these lions are clever. They would know better than to return to an area where the sounds of rifles could be heard every few minutes. They're like, yeah, I'm going to be, I'm good. I think I'm all set with that. The presence of so many hunters and the lion's failure to appear night after night allowed the workmen at least to relax for the first time since the project began. But because

[42:33] When they did return, which they did, they were not prepared. After nearly six months of relative peace. Yeah. The attacks began again in Patterson's camps one night in early November. He wrote, on this occasion, a number of men had been sleeping outside their tents for the sake of coolness. And they let their guard down. Yep. He said when the men heard one of the lions forcing its way into the boma, which was the animal pen where they were sleeping. [43:03] said all the men leaped to their feet and raised the alarm to alert the rest of the camp. Then they took up whatever weapons they could find to try to protect themselves. This was like [43:12] Rock sticks just hurling them in the direction of the lions just trying to protect themselves. [43:19] Unfortunately, the noise and thrown objects had no effect on the lion. A few moments later, the lion burst into the middle of the group of men and just grabbed one and dragged him off through the thorny fence and into the darkness. Holy shit. So the lion just like launched himself into the middle of a ton of men and just grabbed the nearest one. That's not. Yeah. Yeah. [43:42] Like, that's insane. The entire camp listened with horror as two lions devoured this man not more than 30 yards away from the camp. [43:54] Now, the return of the lions was disheartening, obviously, because they really were hoping they would have peace. But it wasn't just the return that shook up the men. It was now how fucking bold they were. So in the past, one lion would sneak silently into the camps, grab the unsuspecting prey, then drag the man nearly a mile away from camp before killing and eating him.

[44:14] Now the lions were aggressively forcing their way into the camps, like barreling through any protective measures, and attacking large groups of armed men, paying no attention to the loud sounds in thrown objects. And not going as far. And then grabbing the prey. They barely would wait until they were outside a camp before killing and eating him. They had to have been like legitimately starving. [44:44] Unlike the previous attacks, he refused to let the men bury the remains this time, hoping the animal would return that night. Posted in his tree, he waited that night, but the only animal that came around was a hyena, and the hyena sniffed the remains and then just ran off. So the next morning, he received word that the lions had attacked another camp two miles down the river. [45:08] Okay. Like, same night. Yeah. Night after night, he sat in the trees outside the camps along the river, listening as the men shouted their warnings from one camp to the next. And the warning that you would often hear, and I'm going to try my best to say this correctly, was Kabar Dar Bayona Shatan Atah, which is beware, brothers, the devil is coming. Oh, shit. And they would be, like, yelling this to each other. Oh, that's so chilling. But for at least one of the camps, the warnings always came forth. [45:36] Way too late. And one among them was inevitably dragged away in the middle of the night. So these lines are getting more and more brazen by the day, it seemed. And one evening, one of them grabbed a man from the railway and actually brought him closer to the camp.

[45:50] Rather than far away in order to eat him. Yeah. Patterson wrote, I could plainly hear them crunching the bones. Oh, my God. And the sound of their dreadful purring filled the air and rang in my ears for days afterwards. I got to think of them purring. [46:06] Like, that's so messed up. And the crunching bones. By mid-November, the lions changed their strategy yet again in another display of boldness. Until that point, their hunting pattern had been that one animal, again, would sneak into camp. The other would wait in the bush a distance away. [46:25] Now they were entering together. So now it wasn't just one bringing it out. It was both. They said, we don't need to look out. Sometimes now grabbing multiple victims, because now each lion would grab one. Yeah. This new strategy didn't always work out very well for the animals or for the victims on that matter. On one night in late November, the lions attacked one of the camps and dragged away two men into the dark, each one. From inside the camp, the workmen could hear one of the men moaning in pain just outside the camp. [46:55] mustered up the courage to go out and look for him. They found that he was badly mauled, but he was stuck in the thorny underbrush a few dozen yards away from camp. It looked like he had become stuck there and the lion wasn't able to drag him through. So they left him and just went to consume the other victim. [47:12] the workmen were able to untangle him from the bushes, but he died from its injuries. I was going to say the thought of getting mauled by a lion and then stuck in gigantic thorns. Yeah.

[47:23] Oh my God. Yeah. [47:35] 91% of dog parents say their pup is an important member of the family, and 40% would even save their dog over a human stranger. That number is probably not high enough. Safe to say, though, that people are obsessed. I'm obsessed with my dog. 100% of me would save her over a human stranger, and she's literally my daughter, okay? And if anybody gets being dog obsessed besides me, it's Ollie. They're relentless about delivering the best food and experience for you and your dog, with fresh recipes developed by real chefs and backed by veterinary nutritionists. [48:05] and they give you a way to check in on their health over and over and over again. Through their app, you can actually check in on your dog's health with real vets. Get ready for both you and your pup to be obsessed. Head to ollie.com slash morbid, tell them all about your dog, and use code morbid to get 60% off your welcome kit when you subscribe today. Plus, they offer an obsession guarantee. If you're not completely obsessed, you'll get your money back. That's ollie.com [48:35] off your first box. Ollie, feed the obsession. [48:40] This episode is brought to you by SoFi, the all-in-one finance app where you can bank, borrow, and invest all in one place. Let's talk about bank accounts for a second. The average bank savings rate is 0.39% in interest. You're earning pennies on your savings and it doesn't have to be that way. But with SoFi's high yield checkings and savings, the money barely making moves sitting in your savings account can earn over eight times the

[49:10] it. [49:10] No account or overdraft fees. We love transparency. You can get your paycheck up to two days early, plus get up to a $300 welcome bonus when you sign up with eligible direct deposit. [49:22] Sign up for SoFi Checking and Savings at SoFi.com slash morbid. SoFi Checking and Savings is offered through SoFi Bank, N.A., member FDIC. Terms apply. [49:32] Sling is the live TV service that puts viewers in charge of their entertainment at an unmatched value. Streaming live sports, shows, and movies starts at just $4.99 and everything works instantly across your favorite devices. The best part? Total control over the channel lineup. No paying for tons of channels that never get watched or local channels that are already free. And there's also no long-term contract. Live TV is available when it's wanted with flexible options like monthly subscriptions or one-day, three-day, or seven-day passes. [50:02] subscriptions can be paused at any time and entertainment doesn't stop over 600 free channels stay available even after pausing one thing that i love about sling is they have this thing called the cloud dvr and it includes 50 hours of storage but you can also upgrade that to 200 hours i love that that's awesome because i love to record my shows and watch them later and then fast forward through the commercials [50:24] Choose and customize your favorite channel lineup or pause and watch for free. Sling lets you do that. Visit sling.com to learn more. [50:31] By the beginning of December, the workmen on Patterson's crew had finally had enough. One afternoon when they returned to his camp, Patterson found the entire construction crew standing there waiting for him.

[50:47] They said they had come from India to work and get paid. And they said, we did not come here to get attacked and eaten by lions. And they said, we are not going to work until these lions are gone. [50:57] I mean, I get it. And you can't blame them. This is terrifying. Yeah, you can. I would just, I'd be like, we're not doing this. Well, many of them didn't even bother with the ultimatum. They just waited for the next train to pass, hopped aboard and said, bye. That would be me. Somewhere else is better than here. That would be me. To his credit, Patterson did take this ultimatum very seriously. And in the weeks after this... [51:18] All work on the railroad ceased while they focused on lion proofing the camps. So he just stopped the work. He was like, we're going to figure this out. So Patterson's persistence over the previous year finally paid off in December. On the morning of December 9th, he was leaving his camp when he saw one of the men running towards him frantically shouting Simba, Simba, which means lion. Yeah, I know. So he was saying lion, lion and waving his arms above his head frantically. [51:48] Okay. [52:02] When they reached the banks of the river, he saw that one of the lions was eating a donkey by the water. Unfortunately, as he approached quietly, one of his guides stepped on a branch and caused it to snap. Like horror movie no-no, literally. So the noise alerted the lion, who looked up in their direction, growled, and then dragged the carcass of the donkey into deep underbrush.

[52:24] Like, just was like, fuck y'all. He literally said, fuck y'all. That's exactly what I was gonna say. Like, you know that Homer Simpson gif where he just backs into the bushes? That's what that line did. He's like, you saw nothing. No. So... [52:37] Of course, Patterson is terror. He's like, I'm going to lose this animal. It's right there. Like, I could end this. So he instructed the man to return to the camp, gather up the other men and all the cans, pots and pans they could find. And he said this plan is to have the men surround the area and simultaneously cause damage. [52:54] incredible noise that would send the animal running in his direction, which was pretty smart. Pretty smart and very brief. Yeah. So Patterson crouched down behind a large anthill not far from where they had seen the lion. And when all the men were in position, he gave the signal. And he wrote, soon a tremendous noise was raised by the advancing line of men. And to my great joy, out into the open path stepped a huge, maneless lion. [53:24] of them in the darkness at this point right he said seeing one of these in daylight was like on incredible yeah it was terrifying uh when the lion got within [redacted address] and took aim and his sudden appearance startled the lion obviously who dug in its claws and crouched back on its haunches and he was ready to leap at him uh patterson pulled the trigger [53:47] But to his absolute horror... [53:50] He heard that dull thud a rifle makes when it misfires.

[53:55] Oh, no. He said, I was so disconcerted at this untoward accident that I forgot all about firing the left barrel. And with the intention of reloading, I lowered the rifle from my shoulder. [54:07] Thinking the animal would use the opportunity to attack Patterson, he was surprised when it instead ran into the bush. [54:16] So he's like, fuck, I'm going to lose this thing for good. So he raised his rifle again and just pointed into the direction that it had run and just blindly fired. [54:24] And he said he heard an angry growl that said that he did hit him. But he said, but when he went to check the area, the lion had escaped. But he's like, I think I hit him. Now, determined to end the terror, he went back to where the donkey lay in the brush by the river and took up a position in one of the trees, hoping the lions would come back for that. Okay. Several hours later, after the sun went down, he heard the sound of snapping twigs and realized one of them had come back. [54:50] But... [54:51] Rather than go back to the carcass, as Patterson thought he would, the lion sniffed the air for a few moments, then emitted a low growl. And that was indicating that he sensed his presence. Yeah. So he literally sniffed him out in the air and was like, I'm gonna fuck you up. So to Patterson's surprise, the lion ignored the donkey carcass. [55:13] Totally ignored available food right there and instead began searching the area for him. [55:19] And they can climb trees. Uh-huh. And he said for about two hours, he horrified me by slowly creeping round and round my crazy structure, gradually drawing closer. Oh, my God. For hours, he sat silently in the street, desperately trying not to make even a sound. Literally move a muscle. His trance-like state was finally broken when sometime after midnight, he was struck in the back of the head by something large.

[55:48] And at first, because he kind of zoned out because he was trying to just like really zone. He thought the lion had come up and had actually found him. But then he realized he had been struck by a large owl. [56:00] I love owls. What the fuck are the odds of that? They're working together, baby. I'm like, Mother Nature is just like doing it. Mother Nature's like, get out of here. Like, what the fuck? So a large owl just fucking just walloped him in the head. The jolt caused him to look around frantically and he realized the lion was crouched down in the brush just a few yards away. He could see his yellow eyes staring directly at him. Oh, fuck. Certain this was going to be his [56:30] rifle. [56:31] And he hit the lion directly in the chest. [56:34] And Patterson wrote he gave a most terrific roar and leaped and sprang about in all directions. The lion had retreated into the brush and was likely trying to escape, so he did fire again in his direction, and finally, a few moments later, he heard... [56:48] the last of the lion's breaths and it was over. I know that they were killing men, but I'm gonna actually cry right now. No, it's really sad. I really fucking hate it. It's really sad. That's the part that I don't like about these stories, is that we always kill the animal for doing what animals do. I know. Like, I know this is a very extreme case, and again, I don't like that people were killed, but I'm really fucking sad right now. There's just a lot of sadness. So, when Patterson finally got a good look at the lion, he was... [57:15] Truly impressed. He said it was nearly 10 feet long. Holy shit. Four feet high.

[57:22] Larger than an average lion. Yeah. And aside from the obvious scars from the thorn brushes, he was unblemished, like a [57:29] beautiful lion. And as Patterson had assumed, the first shot struck him in the heart and one of the subsequent shots had hit him in the thigh. Oh my God, you're actually going to make me cry right now. When the news of the death reached the camp, several men arrived at the site and they brought the animal back to the camp. So a few days later, Patterson set out a trap for the second lion, tying three, and this is three goats to a 250 pound rail. What are you trying to do to me, bro? I love goats. [57:59] grabbed one of the goats and that gave Patterson a chance to fire. Unfortunately, when he fired, the shot hit the lion in the shoulder, not the head. And the shot barely managed to slow him down. And he took off into the brush and he dragged all three goats and the rail with him. He said, fuck your shit. I'm taking it all. All of it. Don't piss off a lion. So the shot might not have done its job, but it did seem to drive him off. And it wasn't seen again for more than a week. Okay. [58:26] On the evening of December 26, the lion appeared again at one of the camps, and it managed to get through the thorny fencing and into the camp, where it tore through several tents and destroyed much of the site, but it failed to attack any of the men. Okay. Believing the injured animal might make a return to the same camp, Patterson set up a blind in one of the trees near the camp and waited. A few hours later, the lion appeared, and he shot the animal, killing it instantly.

[58:54] Which is really sad. It is really sad. In the years that followed the attacks, the legend of the Savo man-eaters continued to spread and grow. By the time the story reached its peak popularity, it was said that the lions killed and devoured hundreds of men. A worker on the railway wrote, Hundreds of men fell victim to these savage creatures whose very jaws were steeped in blood. Bones, flesh, skin, and blood they devoured at all and left not a trace behind them. [59:24] are extremely rare. Right. Because... [59:27] We are not part of any predator's diet. Uh-huh. And we... [59:31] pose a massive threat to... [59:34] every other species we shoot them um and ross barnett a paleo geneticist at the university of copenhagen said what strikes me about the savo story is that it is almost incomprehensible to a 21st century western mindset yeah the terror that the night must have brought is unimaginable no it really is it really is so if humans are not part of a lion's diet and we're [59:56] actually pretty hard to catch what you have to go through a lot why the fuck did they hunt and kill so many men was there some kind of shortage going on so like wildebeest [1:00:06] It turns out, like most repeated large cat attacks on humans, the explanation for these attacks were found in the animals' mouths. In a recent scientific study of the Savo Lion skeletons, which, by the way, are on display recently, [1:00:20] at the Field Museum of Natural History in Chicago,

[1:00:24] Savo, like S-A-V-O? T-S-A-V-O. Zoologists discovered that both lions had damaged teeth. [1:00:33] Even without causing illness from infection, which was likely, broken and damaged teeth can make it difficult or extremely painful for an animal to consume its regular diet. So it switches to something different. [1:00:46] it can catch and eat. [1:00:48] So the theory this is also interesting the theory was supported by a DNA analysis of the lion's hair which found the animals had not consumed any wildebeest which is its favorite prey and had otherwise been eating slower softer animals. [1:01:06] So Riley Black from Smithsonian Magazine in 2017 wrote, humans were a food of last resort and the lions were primarily focused on the soft parts. Okay. These were not devilish skeleton crunchers, but injured cats doing what they could to survive. Okay. [1:01:22] Oh, that makes it even sooner. Additional information. This is really, this made me sad because I was like, oh no. Additional information from the study revealed that these two lions were likely brothers. [1:01:35] I need you to shut up. Quote, the fact that they had each other's DNA in their teeth suggests that the lions were closely bonded and spent time grooming one another. No, I'm actually not built for this. So when that first lion died... [1:01:50] It makes me so sad for that second one because he was just without his brother. No, I can't do that. I can't do that.

[1:01:55] Now, as for how many victims the lions took, according to zoologist Bruce Patterson, one lion ate 10 people and the other 24. [1:02:04] It's a lot of people. It's a lot of people. As for John Henry Patterson, his killing of the man-eating lions did make him a local hero and somewhat of a legend. [1:02:13] With the threat removed, the crews were able to go back to work and the railroad bridge was completed in February 1899. And when the project was finished, Patterson served tours of duty in the Second Boer War and World War I, among other conflicts. He also found time to begin a writing career. And he started with his account of the Savo man-eater attacks, followed by several other adventure novels. Wow. Which, like, badass. [1:02:43] Really on writing. And he also traveled the world giving lectures about wildlife and big game. Okay. On June 18th, 1949, James Patterson died of natural causes in Bel Air, California at the age of 79. Wow. What a life. And that's, he did protect his... [1:03:01] Crew. He did. So there's that. He did. I know. I feel bad for the lions. I feel bad for obviously the men that had to go through it. It's the same thing as the shark attack. You feel bad for everybody. It's awful for everyone. I just... [1:03:13] I know. Something in me, like, I can't. [1:03:17] hear about animal death. Because animals are innocent. They are. They don't have the gnarly, you know, unless it's an oracle whale. [1:03:24] I feel like orcas have straight up homicidal. You know what? Did we like wrong them though? I feel like we probably did. Like we probably made them that way. I'm not saying orca whales are like wrong. I'm just saying they are homicidal. They have instincts that we are not, that they're not supposed to have. Like they have, they plan and plot. No, they do. It's like I say, the ocean's not for us. No, it's not. And they're trying to, they're trying to stand there. I need to know. I need some more fucking terrifying ocean stories.

[1:03:54] I like the ocean ones. Those are fun. [1:03:56] because i love cats i know and like i love lions lions are just like big cats one of my kids loves lions i know and she always has to make her so mad she'd be like let them go i know that one was a tough one for me yeah i we gotta space these out because god yeah very interesting very interesting though especially like the the issue with their teeth and that's what they were going after and the just the the fact that these men were just yanked out of tents in the middle of [1:04:26] I don't want to take away. I know I've been harping a lot on the animals, but that is incredibly fucked up. And again, they're sleeping after an exhausting day of manual labor. It's like... [1:04:38] Fuck. That sounds like hell on earth. It's also good to remind yourself, too, that there weren't like a shit ton of jobs back then. No, that's the other thing. They were desperate for work and money for their families. The ones who are leaving are the ones who... [1:04:50] literally can't handle it like that like they were broken down you know how bad it was for some of them to be like fuck that anywhere else is better than this to be faced with the possibility of being eaten by a lion in the middle of things are bad that's rough if you're willing to stick that out that's pretty fucking brutal that's yeah well then you think of how many men did stick it out exactly like a billion zillion degrees where they are in africa and [1:05:12] Like that night they were just trying to sleep in a cool area because it's like a billion degrees and you're sitting duck. Fuck. [1:05:20] Yeah. What a story. That was very fascinating. I also didn't know about Maneless Lions. I didn't know about Maneless Lions. So that's something interesting. They're...

[1:05:27] beautiful. They are beautiful. I was just looking at pictures. Oh, lions are gorgeous. When I say I just want to... I just want to smuggle. I know. But don't. Don't. I'm not going to. Don't do that. I won't. Remember when we went to Disney together and we heard the lion roar on the... [1:05:44] um safari that was gnarly that was the craziest thing i ever experienced lying on a reserve [1:05:49] life-changing oh because they're just damned like when that movie starts yeah you know like those movies that movie that one movie i don't know why i said that movie what are those movies what [1:06:00] What production is that? It's the... [1:06:03] Roll. [1:06:06] The fucking... [1:06:07] I'm just looking at it in my head. I am too. I'm watching it in my head. What is the production company that has the lion? Is it MGM? I think it is MGM. I can see it in my head. I think you're exactly right. [1:06:19] Hi, Karen in Georgia. Yeah, it is MGM. Yeah, I thought so. Did you say hey, Karen in Georgia? Yeah, because I said you're exactly right. [1:06:27] Oh, okay. I thought you were thinking MFM. Oh, no. And I was like, it's him. I was like, you're exactly right. And then I said, hey, Carrie, Georgia. Hey, that was insane. Yeah, that was wild. I have a fun fact. I love fun facts. It's kind of a morbid fact, to be honest with you. I mean, this is what this show is. I got this from Cosmopolitan. Chainsaws were first invented. Oh, I know this. I had a feeling you might know this. For childbirth. Yeah. Yeah. [1:06:54] They were developed in Scotland in the late 18th century to help aid and speed up the process of symphysiotomy, which is widening the pubic cartilage and the removal of diseased latin bone during childbirth.

[1:07:09] that's horrifying what the fuck yeah you knew that i had it why did i know you were gonna yeah you thought you said that ahead of time too i did i was like you might know this yeah that is a crazy crazy i want to know a lot more about that but like also nothing else but nothing at the same time yeah jane saw this what would you can you imagine like i've never given birth you've done it twice like three times technically i guess uh what would you do if you were just like laying [1:07:39] The sound of a chainsaw is terrifying. Yeah, that's at the end of every haunted house ever. Oh, God. It's like my least favorite part of the haunted house. Oh, my God. I hate it. To think of that coming anywhere near your situation, your downstairs mix-up. It's going to become a downstairs mix-up at that point. It's going to become a downstairs catastrophe. Catastrophe, period. [1:07:59] A downstairs. I'm trying to think of it. A downstairs. Ugh. I'm trying to think of a D word. [1:08:04] A downstairs disaster. Yes, there you go. And with that, we leave you. What an unhinged beginning, middle, and end. Lord. Well, we hope you keep listening. And we hope you keep it weird. But that's where they use a chainsaw during childbirth, because holy fuck. And don't boop a lion. Yeah. I know it's hard. I know. [1:08:24] I want to find a lion right now. Just a little bit. The lions are beautiful. Simba, Simba. Simba, Simba. I love it.

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